Sunday, August 31, 2025

Fall 2025 Textbooks

 shit shit shit next semester starts in 9 days.



Ritual Class textbooks: waiting on 2 of them.

  • Davis-Floyd, Robbie and Charles D. Laughlin. Ritual: What It Is, How It Works, And Why. New York, 2022. ISBN 978-1-80073-9    ($33.20)
    • bought: booksrun.com ($35)
    • online until it arrives: https://www-jstor-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/stable/jj.5501106
    • arrived
  • Grimes, Ronald. Deeply Into The Bone: Re-inventing Rites of Passage. Berkeley, 2000. ISBN 978-0-520-23675-2    ($24.67)
    • Abebooks: $11.77
    • online: https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=223327&c=UERG&ppg=1
  • Orr, Emma Restall. Ritual: A Guide to Life, Love and Inspiration. London. 2000. ISBN 0-7225-3970-3   ($25.73)
    • biblio.com: $31 because expedited shipping
    • arrived
  • Quin, Halo. Storytelling for Magic: Bardic Skills and Ritual-Craft For Witches and Pagans.Washington, DC 2025.  ISBN 978-1-80341-406-5    ($10.95)
    • Abe books $15
    • online: https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=31823783&c=RVBVQg
  • Ter Kuile, Caspar. The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities into Soulful Practices. New York, 2020. ISBN 978-0-06-288182-3   ($13.59)
    • booksrun.com: $6
    • online: https://libguides-thedtl-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/c.php?g=1096315
    • arrived
Discernment class: have all. 

  • Valerie Brown, Coming to Light: Cultivating Spiritual Discernment through the Quaker Clearness Committee, (Pendle Hill Publications, 2027) ISBN-13: 978-0875744469. [$7.00]
    • abebooks: $7
    • online: https://libguides-thedtl-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/c.php?g=1411241
    • arrived
  • Rose Mary Dougherty, Discernment: A Path to Spiritual Awakening (Paulist Press, 2009) ISBN-13: 978-0809145545 [$10.95}]
    • abebooks: $6
    • online: https://libguides-thedtl-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/c.php?g=1139133
    • arrived - will be goood for paper referencing. 
  • Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness (Rider, 2008) ISBN-13: 978-1846041068 ($16.77)
    • I don't think I want to own this one... 
    • online:https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/detail.action?docID=5337607
    • PDF online : https://truthbrary.mpaq.org/BOOKS/Spirituality%2C%20Meditation%2C%20Self-finding%20%28Books%29/Zen%20Buddhism%20-%20Thich%20Nhat%20Hanh/The_Miracle_of_Mindfulness__An_Introductio_-_Thich_Nhat_Hanh.pdf
  • Barbara A. Holmes, Crisis Contemplation: Healing the Wounded Village (CAC Publishing, 2021) ISBN-13: 978-1623050559 [$19.95]
    • unavailable everywhere.... so school it is.
    • online: https://libguides-thedtl-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/c.php?g=1199188
  • Elizabeth Liebert, The Soul of Discernment: A Spiritual Practice for Communities and Institutions (Westminster John Knox Press, 2015) ISBN-13: 978-0664239676 [$15.39]
    • don't think i want to own it. 
    • online: https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/detail.action?docID=4421544
  • Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants (Milkweed Editions, 2015) ISBN 13: 978-1571313560 ($17.88)
    • FUCK YEAH I HAVE WANTED TO READ THIS SO BAD
    • abebooks: $15
    • online: https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/detail.action?docID=1212658
    • arrived
  • Mark E. Thibodeaux, SJ, Armchair Mystic: How Contemplative Prayer Can Lead You Closer to God (Franciscan Media, 2019) ISBN-13: 978-1632532886 [$18.99]
    • this book is over $50 everywhere... 
    • online: https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=5917614&ppg=1&c=UERG
Abebooks: $70.60
booksrun: $42.61
thriftbooks: 0 
biblio: $32.71

Monday, August 18, 2025

Wedding....notes.

 I did this with Viking Man so its only fair that I do it with Fly Boy. 


Me (celtic & native)

  • Handfasting ceremony at the engagement party - allowing for a trial marriage for a year and a day. 
  • Blue dress (irish) 
  • Wedding bells (irish)  - instead of bouquets, I want my brides maids to carry and ring wedding bells 
  • (native) blue and white blanket gets wrapped around us (especially if its cold) or at east drapped over our chairs for the 
  • Cooked Goose for rehersal dinner/dinner (no take backsies) (irish)
  • pebble toss: Guests participate by tossing small stones into a body of water, sending their wishes and blessings to the couple. The ripples created by the stones symbolize the spreading of these good wishes. (Celtic)
  • There should be a fire involved (native) could be torches, mini fires for heat if in the winter time, etc. 

He's actually of Czech & Prussian decent! 
  • Invitation sent by a designated person (prussian) - usually done in rhyming verses. We can do our wedding invites and save the dates in rhymes! 
  • breaking ceramic plates (both) - At the start of the reception, a plate is broken at the couple's feet, and they must sweep up the pieces together, symbolizing their cooperation in marriage. 
  • Soup (Czech) - The bride and groom eat soup from a single bowl and a single spoon; This signifies their need to work together and share equally. 
  • Kidnapping the bride (Czech) - usually done as a means to symbolize the husbands duty to protect the bride. ... A scavenger hunt!! This could be how I give him the notebook?
  • Rosemary Wreath (Czech) given to the bride which symbolizes love, loyalty, and wisdom

Meal ideas.. 
appetizers: Cup of soup (we each pick one type - serviced in a teacup that each guest can take home as a favor?) 
- Goose with a blueberry or cranberry sauce; brusslesprout, greenbeans/casserole, mashed potatoes?
- Some sort of frutey and heart salad for vegetarian options
- Desserts: carrot cake and banana foster/pudding/etc  OR cupcakes/mini cakes - 50 of each
  • Orange rose for carrot cake with cream cheese
  • Dahlia for chocolate cake with rasberry filling
  • blue hydrangea or Iris for lemon cake with blueberry filling 
  • https://www.batchbakehouse.com/

Wedding dresses (narrowed down):
  • https://www.amazon.com/Acenia-Champagne-Dresses-Shoulder-Cocktail/dp/B0FWC7VLP4/ref=sr_1_11?crid=OHF376GP1PIG&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JJz9Wz6H_lMo3TJAgq18C83acRz_ZsspRXC0BfEurm4YprJyoIMNjSnJfODKCM_mZfE0xbsPSC8rMgaR1QB8lsT3a6f2FAzVYmOBXy83n_7D1plw4AQZ4-wh9R6HCXsZX3Cq06pjY8HDshXUAuNNWypL3Imuf8G-VCHb9y8GtduitufrATSWpMwjPsT20wefZaCTvKGsAwVhg6-c5eBRZRUa5c_yU6CdXEKVRGaz9b6L7QhczBnoKrVsXDXalp-NvWVC9XjW2xKqxVbkpGf4g6wFz8ci8L78dg5HkwcQBV0.6agg4fTj6UGZFTj9e_bBQ9G3tZ4yHEiJ505hGPz9i6M&dib_tag=se&keywords=champagne%2Bbrides%2Bmaid%2Bdresses&qid=1765910127&sprefix=champagne%2Bbridesmaid%2Bdresse%2Caps%2C244&sr=8-11&th=1&psc=1
  • https://viniodresses.com/products/mermaid-lace-wedding-dresses-bridal-dress-with-long-sleeve-vw1544?pr_prod_strat=e5_desc&pr_rec_id=fec56426f&pr_rec_pid=4492808519757&pr_ref_pid=3681291436109&pr_seq=uniform
  • https://zapaka.com/products/dusty-blue-a-line-strapless-sheer-corset-beaded-long-prom-dress-with-slit?currency=USD&variant=51945927180651&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&stkn=00ecca6a5505
    • Veil/Cape: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1716798866/bridal-cape-with-fairy-blue-lace-floral?ls=s&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=removable+sleeves+blue&ref=sr_gallery-1-4&sr_prefetch=0&pf_from=market&pro=1&frs=1&sts=1&content_source=885e2760-9304-49f7-b582-a40a715f0349%253ALT4429df03a9311156f0ab42d0ea7c1a9f43faf0c6&organic_search_click=1&logging_key=885e2760-9304-49f7-b582-a40a715f0349%3ALT4429df03a9311156f0ab42d0ea7c1a9f43faf0c6&variation1=4622735079
    •  wrap if cold: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1863786799/blue-faux-fur-wrap-silver-faux-fur-stole?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_en_us_-weddings&utm_custom1=_k_Cj0KCQiAo4TKBhDRARIsAGW29bcJCJ-barQpMKnfMQaAOYnOU-emosmC7rLYJgIKcC8c-A-hr4P9-q8aAmnMEALw_wcB_k_&utm_content=go_21791666541_169566863758_716586689178_pla-298195655715_c__1863786799_112396461&utm_custom2=21791666541&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21791666541&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRKpiCz5RjEn5tz4WSn50Bz50&gclid=Cj0KCQiAo4TKBhDRARIsAGW29bcJCJ-barQpMKnfMQaAOYnOU-emosmC7rLYJgIKcC8c-A-hr4P9-q8aAmnMEALw_wcB
Venu options: Nature is the name of the game
  •  https://cariboubayretreat.com/weddings-introduction/
    •  https://cariboubay.b-cdn.net/CBPricing-Brochure.pdf
  • https://www.thewildwoodbarn.com/
  • https://wedgescreek.com/
    • https://wedgescreekhideaway.b-cdn.net/PricingBrochure.pdf
  • https://burlapandbells.com/weddings
    • https://static.showit.co/file/gR8MDP5okZq_2EeThlImmQ/140928/2025-6_informational.pdf
  • https://www.wwretreat.com/retreats-gatherings/
Brides Maids:
  • https://www.etsy.com/listing/1638530036/mini-bouquets-for-vases-orange-ivory?gpla=1&gao=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_en_us_-weddings&utm_custom1=_k_Cj0KCQiAo4TKBhDRARIsAGW29bfZ1Xvv6JVnw2kYU2p4fmSgYsXxqJWzP3Zb6fJlu8wvlJrzogqs3dEaAvGLEALw_wcB_k_&utm_content=go_21791667543_169566885998_716586690714_pla-298195655715_c__1638530036_123245886&utm_custom2=21791667543&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21791667543&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRIhxhciI-tomtJaSrJCAe26e&gclid=Cj0KCQiAo4TKBhDRARIsAGW29bfZ1Xvv6JVnw2kYU2p4fmSgYsXxqJWzP3Zb6fJlu8wvlJrzogqs3dEaAvGLEALw_wcB&variation0=4183438594
  • https://www.amazon.com/Wedtrend-Chiffon-Bridesmaid-Cocktail-WT0201ChampagneS/dp/B07W8ZNY95/ref=sr_1_8?crid=OHF376GP1PIG&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JJz9Wz6H_lMo3TJAgq18C83acRz_ZsspRXC0BfEurm4YprJyoIMNjSnJfODKCM_mZfE0xbsPSC8rMgaR1QB8lsT3a6f2FAzVYmOBXy83n_7D1plw4AQZ4-wh9R6HCXsZX3Cq06pjY8HDshXUAuNNWypL3Imuf8G-VCHb9y8GtduitufrATSWpMwjPsT20wefZaCTvKGsAwVhg6-c5eBRZRUa5c_yU6CdXEKVRGaz9b6L7QhczBnoKrVsXDXalp-NvWVC9XjW2xKqxVbkpGf4g6wFz8ci8L78dg5HkwcQBV0.6agg4fTj6UGZFTj9e_bBQ9G3tZ4yHEiJ505hGPz9i6M&dib_tag=se&keywords=champagne%2Bbrides%2Bmaid%2Bdresses&qid=1765910127&sprefix=champagne%2Bbridesmaid%2Bdresse%2Caps%2C244&sr=8-8&th=1&psc=1

I may or May not have done some digging around on Ai and made my dream wedding dresses... 

https://tinyurl.com/2pfceh6b


Official.

 Well. In a strange turn of events, and me being very much in denial and oblivious to my own feelings, and after HOURS of conversation over the past week... 


Fly Boy and I are officially an item.


it does't seem real. We aren't telling people because its so new and we want to nuture it protectivley before we invite in the opinions of others. 

But.. lets just say the love story Brigid told me is playing out... in an almost uncanny way and I never believed the hint that I was seeing. 

so... yeah. I think I found my fucking person. Its so fresh and new (even though I've known him for 7 months now) that we are opperating on a "no next steps" mentality  - there is no next step. We can stay as still as we want or progress when we feel its natural, not becuase it just makes sense. 

I have a boyfriend y'all. 




Thursday, August 14, 2025

No next steps - poem in progress

 No next step 


It’s too soon to tell
If the alarm bells
Going off in my mind are cause for concern
Or the promise of land after what feels like years at sea 

Are you the hand that pulls me from the waves
Or just another buoy the gods of thrown
To keep my head above water?
It’s too soon to tell

You snuck up on me,
Like a scared animal that would bolt in an instant.
It’s true, and I did, but you didn’t follow…
Only offering me tidbits of love to lure me back.

I was hesitant. I was distant.
But your ease of being was too comforting to run away from completely.
Slowly, I crept back, suddenly craving your touch
Surprising even myself.

I am still weary, fearful of a cage
Yet you wrap me in a warm blanket instead
With the promise of “ no next steps”
No pressure. No expectations.

Now I want to give you all all of them.
Every step, together.
But it’s too soon to tell.


Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Reflections for the full moon

 Well a few points to reflect on over the next few days for the full moon... 

1) I'm going to pause my love manifestation spell. I'm going to trash the letters already written and I will hold off on anymore to my future spouse until I meet them. Then I will write to them so that I have a gift to give on the wedding night. 

2) I need to reflect over the blessings I have and the abundance that comes to me - not just monetarily. I have a lot to be grateful for and I need to focus more on healing the parts of me that feels unworthy or distrusting of unconditional love and gifts. ( "Fly Boy" is helping with this a little. We had a very genuine talk about it last night)

3) I need to reflect over past relationships that have failed - both romantic and friendship. What were the common issues that I presented? What were the common red flags that I attracted in others? Why? What can I work on to prevent patterns from repeating? What were the good that came from those relationships as well? What did I learn?

4) What do I really want to do spiritually? I talk about wanting to improve and grow in my spirituality... but what goals do I actually have? What is my "why"? What do I actually want in life?

I also want to reflect on what I actually want my life to look like. Genuinely. What do I want my career to look like? What do I want my personal life to look like? How often do I want to travel? What sort of home do I want? What are the must haves in a partner and what would be a bonus? - As time goes on I am learning what my priorities are. 

In this ^ I am more or less kind of clueless. I've just been living day to day for so long that while I have VERY long term goals and some minor ideas I really do need to sit down and meditate and think about it. The full moon is on the 9th. I want to do something for it along this context. 

Maybe I'll write a letter to myself. A young self. A past self. A Future self. 

I've got some digging and soul searching to do. 


Tuesday, August 5, 2025

Change of Plans

 Well. Things with my current roommate have become intense and unpleasant. It is a bit too confusing for me to really explain because I honestly do not know what their issues really are; but for the most part it boils down to their inability to communicate, their unexpressed expectations not being met, and the fact they are generally miserable in their life as it is and I am pretty much the only outlet they have to take it out on. 

Which I will not stand for. 

They have effectivley ended our friendship - now the goal is to simply find a way to coexist until this lease ends. After that, regardless if they are able to pay off their past debt to a landlord (which is why we kept getting denied housing when we applied together) or not, I will not be renewing the lease with them. My friend "Sweetboy" will take their place at the end of the lease. 

If something were to change and my current roommate would need to vacate before the lease ends and I have to find a new one earlier, then I would and it would be up in the air about "Sweetboy". Wether he moves in with me or not, he does plan to move to madison next year, so there is no hard feelings if things don't work out that way. 

OR

If I need to get a place of my own... 

a 1 bedroom at my current complex would probably be about $1600...... FUCK. I really want to stay where I am so I will budget with that in mind... but I would most likely have to find somethign cheaper. 


Rent: 1650 + 35 water = 1685

Electric Utilities: 120 (based on past 1 bed cost. I can tolerate the heat if i live alone) 

internet: 35

car payment: 235 (To be finished by Dec 26? Maybe) 

car insurance: 90

per loan: $450 (To be finished by March 2026!) 

Roth IRA: $100

Savings: $100

Phone: $45

subscriptions: 45

Joint: 70

CC (for Gym): $100

CC (sams): $30

Gyrm: 26

-----------------------------

3131

Average paycheck: $3500

That leaves $200 ish for groceries and $200ish for fun each month. Would of course get as much as low as possible for wiggle room. 

Okay. so. I actually could afford to stay where I am if the rent was $1650 or less. 

That make sme feel better. 







Thursday, July 24, 2025

Class Feedback

 I was so dissatisfied with this semester I am actually giving feedback. 


For my contemporary paganism class: 

I was actually very frustrated and dissatisfied with this course. So much so that I wholly regret wasting a credit on it. I cannot say there is anything in this class that I actually found helpful and there were a few instances some of the professor's comments bordered on offensive (and a few comments that straight up were offensive). This class would be better taught as "European Paganism and Ethnic Identity" or "New Religious Movements of Europe" - as this course did not cover much of contemporary paganism that would actually be relevant to those of us who will be living and working in America. What would be helpful would be learning about the various pagan practices we would come into contact with, how to navigate interreligious dialogue between practicing pagans and other religions (both learning how to still be able to serve them despite differing beliefs and how to navigate conflict), and perhaps explore practical applications of paganism in contemporary society. For this last item, the module of Paganism and Politics attempted to do that, albeit in a more narrow context.  

I understand this was his first semester teaching here and it was not what he was expecting, however some of his information was outdated or revealed how little he actually knew about some of the movements he was teaching on. For an educator, regardless of experience with the software platform or knowledge of the atmosphere of the school, I expected better. 


Entered in chat gbt to make it nicer:

I found myself quite frustrated and ultimately dissatisfied with this course. Unfortunately, I regret using a credit on it, as I did not find the content particularly helpful or relevant. In several instances, some of the professor’s comments felt inappropriate — in a few cases, even offensive — which made it difficult to remain engaged.

The course title and description led me to expect a broader and more applicable overview of contemporary pagan practices, particularly those relevant to ministry or interreligious work in an American context. Instead, the course seemed to focus primarily on European paganism and cultural identity, which might be better suited under a title like "European Paganism and Ethnic Identity” or "New Religious Movements of Europe.”

What would have been more beneficial is a curriculum centered around pagan traditions practitioners are more likely to encounter in the U.S., alongside tools for interreligious dialogue — such as navigating theological differences, supporting pagan practitioners in inclusive ways, and understanding the modern expressions of paganism in a pastoral or communal context. The module on Paganism and Politics touched on this to a degree, though it was fairly limited in scope.

I recognize this was the professor’s first semester teaching here and that the experience may not have matched his expectations. However, some of the material felt outdated or suggested a lack of depth in understanding of the movements being presented. Regardless of the challenges that come with a new teaching environment, I had hoped for a higher standard of preparation and sensitivity in course delivery.


 

For Contemporary Art and Religion - 

I was a bit frustrated with this class. Its clear that the professor is very passionate and knowledgeable on this topic, but there was a very clear bias in the discussions in class. She did not always respond well when people contradicted her perspective or was dismissive when another spiritual context was presented to the topic. For example when referring to the "spirit of an object" it was within a specific context - if one tried to talk about a literal spirit it was completely ignored. Mysticism could be discussed academically but if one tried to approach a topics from a mystic perspective it felt unwelcome. While she never cut anyone off from speaking it was very clear where she welcomed discussion and where she didn't. As a student I felt as if I was not truly allowed to explore the topic of this class as much as I would have liked because of how limited the discussions were. Everything was approached from an almost disconnected/objective or sociological perspective as opposed to a spiritual one. There was also an almost reluctance to consider any religious context outside of Christianity for most of the discussions and topics presented. When other traditions were brought up there was perceived avoidance, even when it was relevant to what was being discussed and could have provided another avenue to explore the art. 

She was never rude and while her micro expressions and body language gave a lot away, she held a decent poker face when the discussion wasn't what she wanted before she was able to redirect it. But it did reveal her bias. It also felt as if she was more eager to participate in discussions than to really hear the perspective of the class other than to respond with her own opinions and thoughts. There was a very large portion of the class that almost never spoke in class. For these reasons I would encourage her use of small groups for discussions more often in future offerings of this class. This allows for all students to feel as though they are able to speak on the topic, allows for multiple perspectives to be explored, and by limiting the number of people engaged in discussion at one time allows for deeper discussion. She did use small groups a few times in class and I will say that for me personally, those were the only time I really felt like we got to dig deep into the art the way I had hoped we would for the whole class. The biggest complaint in those cases was how short the small group discussion time was. 


Asked Chat GPT to make it nicer:

I had some frustrations with this course, though I appreciate the professor’s clear passion and deep knowledge of the subject. That said, the classroom environment at times felt limited in perspective. There appeared to be a strong bias in how discussions were guided, and when students offered alternative viewpoints — especially from different spiritual or religious contexts — they were sometimes met with dismissiveness or redirection.

For example, discussions involving concepts like the "spirit of an object" were often confined to a specific interpretive lens. If someone attempted to engage with these ideas from a more literal or mystical perspective, those contributions were generally overlooked. Similarly, while mysticism could be analyzed from an academic standpoint, approaching it from a personal or experiential angle often felt unwelcome. Though the professor never directly shut down conversation, it was evident which types of perspectives were encouraged and which were not. This created an environment where I, and I believe others as well, didn’t feel fully able to explore the material in the way we had hoped.

Discussions frequently centered around Christian frameworks, and while that can certainly be appropriate, there seemed to be a reluctance to incorporate insights from other religious traditions — even when they were relevant and could have deepened the analysis of the artwork or themes we were exploring. Opportunities to broaden the discussion were often missed or redirected.

To be clear, the professor was never overtly rude and maintained a composed demeanor in class. However, her microexpressions and body language occasionally revealed discomfort or disapproval when certain perspectives were introduced, which made it more difficult to engage openly. At times, it felt as though the classroom dynamic prioritized the professor's interpretations over a fuller dialogue with student perspectives. This may have contributed to the noticeable silence of several classmates throughout the semester.

One suggestion for future iterations of this course would be to incorporate small group discussions more regularly. The few times we did engage in them, I found those to be the most enriching parts of the course. These sessions allowed for deeper exploration of the material and made it easier for diverse viewpoints to be heard. Extending the time allotted for these discussions could also allow for more meaningful engagement with the subject matter and foster a more inclusive learning environment.