once again..

once again these thoughts return.

what is the point of living? i mean seriously.

i don't want to go to college.
i don't want to live... not really.

i only go through the motions.

being honest?

i'm lonely.
i have little to no ambition.
i really don't want to go forward.

"i'm taking one step forward and two steps back, i couldn't walk a straight line even if i wanted to."
"every move i make feels lost with no direction."

^got to love music that give me words to say how i feel.

i mean seriously!

i don't want to graduate.
i don't want to move out.
i  don't want to drive.
i don't want to get a job.
i don't want to go to cellege.
i don't want to do anything but escape.

Escape the pressure. escape conformity. escape all these fucking rules. escape...

i quote one of my older poems:

"i think i might just understand.

Good things and happiness are fleeting,

reality is: nothing ever stays.

so please bring on the night,

because i cannot stand the day."

I want to say good night and just not wake up.

i am so fed up with this. all of it.

i am so tired of feeling like this! sick of it! SICK OF IT.
tired f feeling alone.
tired of feeling all this fucking pressure to go to college.
tired of feeling pressured not to do what i want.
tired of feeling pressured into getting a job.
tired of being pressured to live.

i am tired of it all.

just give me a book and tell the world to shut the fuck up.

seriously.

everything is happening to fast i feel like i'm going to hyperventilate.


The fucking car crash isn't going to happen and i'm reaching my limit. i really am.

Freshman year i got the feeling i would die around the time i was supposed to graduate or just before i started college.

the car crash isn't going to happen but i predicted something right:  i'm reaching my limit with this life.

i don't know 100% what is after this life, but i want out!