Summer solstice Message.

 "Listen to me, this is very important. Not all things, even if they are good, are meant to last. It is okay to mourn their ending, it is okay to be sad. Cry and scream all you need, I am here for you. I know that taking a lover is not easy for you, so losing one can seem terrifying and like a sentence to solitude. Do not become hopeless. That is my fear, do not resign yourself to despair. I know that your desire for touch stems from emotional need, not physical, and while I cannot stand in for a lover, if the loneliness ever gets too much and you need to feel lips upon your own and a tender embrace, then come to me. I will not deny you comfort, take comfort in me until you once again find one who is suited to be your love. You will be fine. "

- Do not become hopeless --> Aine/Host of friends/Svn's fear. 

-  I will not deny you comfort --> platonic cuddling and kissing? Ellis maybe?

I think this message came from Aine, but I am not sure. It came from the character that is the mouthpiece for the fae in my trances. Aine is a faerie Queen and I've been feeling a pull to her. Yesterday was the summer solstice, her holiday, so it would make sense. 

While my friends with benefits situation with Viking Man is coming to a close... I had grown sorrowful. Losing him on top of losing Aaron (who leaves for New Orleans in about a week) just seemed too much. I consulted the mermaid cards (Aine's deck....) for a reading on future love so that I would not become hopeless.. and to my immense surprise, they actually told me about my next big love. Beforehand, it has always been "take time for yourself" "focus on yourself" "you need time out of a relationship"... which only made me want to cling to Viking Man even harder because that didn't bode well for finding love. 

It reads like a long period of solitude and singledom. 

This time, they said after I move to Wilmington, and I begin to focus on a new area of spirituality (sea witchcraft and working more with mermaids) a new and important love will find me. This person, a woman!, would be more than okay with establishing a divine connection through sensuality and be willing to work with my trauma (would not turn away at my being unable to do anything below the waist, either at all or would be patient with me until I am able to). The card was divine sensuality, making love, and erotica and yet the card itself told me that it wasn't talking about sex - specifically this person would return sacred sensuality back into my life. It's something I have been missing for a long time, even before Viking man. 

So while I am still intensely sad about my time with Viking Man coming to an end... I have cried many tears and will cry many more.. I am not hopeless. 

2 dreams + interpretation

 Check in - i'm not dead, i'm just lost. When I figure out where my life is going I'll blog more, I promise. 

I had 2 interesting dreams last night/this morning. 

The first - I moved to a coastal town and it was my first weekend there. My mom had just flown back to WI after coming and helping me unpack and settle in. My friend Nathan came down to see me because he knew some folks that he wanted to introduce to me. We stopped by a coffee shop and the cute barista was talking with us and when we told her I was new she started making recommendations about shops or places to check out. We carried on a conversation, it came up that all of us are poets so she let me read a poem about her first love (a young woman who was not sapphic, but was her best friend. Their journey of unrequited love through childhood and adolescence. Then the house fire that disfigured her love but didn't shake off the barista. The sadness when she moved away.) 

We left the coffee shop with having invited her out with us to go drinking that night, and explored some local shops along the boardwalk.  Afterward we met up with my friend ariel for dinner (in a restaurant that reminded me of plumb tree but better. i inquired if they needed a bartender/shift supervisor). Then we left to go to an irish pub to meet up with the barista and I woke up. 

it was very pleasant. Her poetry moved me, her drawing was beautiful. 

Deam 2 was not really linear but it had a lot of symbolism in it. 

Wave Pool - controllable tidal wave that I was enjoying rather than drowning in like everyone else, it carried me up and I stayed up and didn't struggle - To see a tidal wave in your dream represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands your attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside for too long. On a positive note, the tidal wave symbolizes the clearing away of old habits. If you are carried away by the tidal wave, then it means that you are ready to make a brand new start in a new place.

Killer whale - To see a killer whale in your dream indicates that you need to be more social or more vocal about something. Step up and speak up. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes spiritual guidance. You are ready to explore your emotions, but you need to make the connection between the conscious and subconscious aspects of yourself.

** 2 killer whales swimming and jumping about with the group

Sharks - To see a shark in your dream indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You are undergoing a long and difficult emotional period and may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others. Perhaps you are struggling with your individuality and independence, especially in some aspect of your relationship. Alternatively, a shark represents a person in your life who is greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. 

** I saw 2 sharks following me and then swimming past me.