Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Statement of purpose notes: 2

  •  Paragraph 1
    • Anthropology is the science which tells us that people are the same the whole world over - except when they are different. --- Nancy Banks Smith
    • What are your short-term and long-term goals? 
      • What do you hope to accomplish academically?
        • "conflict and violence, human rights, power struggles, migration, environmental change, cultural identity, political and economic life, food, and understanding the ways that cultural meaning, history, and power have shaped the human experience"
      • What sort of research or professional work do you want to do in the future with your graduate degree or Ph.D.?

    • Do you have any weaknesses or missing elements you need to explain?
      • Any inconsistencies or big changes in your academic or professional direction?
  • Paragraph 2
    • Academic/Professional Interests and Motivations
      • What most interests you about this area of study?
      • Why are you interested in this area and topic?
      • When did you first start to show an interest? How did you exhibit this interest?
  • Paragraph 3
    • Academic Background
      • What majors, classes, or other academic experiences have you had in this field?
      • If you do not have many academic experiences to draw on, be more specific about what you learned from these courses/professors
  • Paragraph 4
    • Why are you interested in this university and graduate program?
      • What does this university/program offer you that other schools don’t?
      • Which courses and professors most interest you?
      • What makes you a “good fit” for this institution?
      • What will you bring to this program?
    • What makes you stand out as a graduate school candidate?
      • What other information about you should the school know that will attract them to you?
      • Do you have any unique abilities or circumstances?
    • Be sure to name the school, program, and some resources it offers.
  • Paragraph 5
    • Closing/ Commitment Statement
      • Include a brief “statement of intent” at the end of the letter to remind the admissions officers that you are intent on entering their program
      • This is where the mission statement comes into play: "we seek to understand human diversity, distinctiveness, and universality through time and across the world."

Statement of Purpose notes: 1

 


Mission of program: 

- we seek to understand human diversity, distinctiveness, and universality through time and across the world

- bringing an interdisciplinary vitality to research and teaching on some of the most important issues facing humanity today: conflict and violence, human rights, power struggles, migration, environmental change, cultural identity, political and economic life, food, and understanding the ways that cultural meaning, history, and power have shaped the human experience.

------------------------------------------------------------

"The statement of purpose gives an applicant the opportunity to express non-quantifiable characteristics for consideration to an admissions committee,” Maxwell notes. “This may include the applicant's personal or professional strengths and goals or passion for career fields related the academic program.” She goes on to explain that, for the admission committee, the statement provides great benefit. “Graduate school is rigorous, and admission is often competitive,” she says. “They want to select students who are not only academically qualified, but also show commitment to achieving success in the program from start to finish.”


Statement of purpose: personal 

Letter of intent: objective


Structure:

1) A “hook” that demonstrates your passion for the field
2) Segue (transition) to your background in the field
3) Description of your academic background in the field
4) Specific classes you have taken, given by name
5) Specific professors you have had, especially if well-known
6) Extracurricular activities in the field
7) Publications and other professional accomplishments in the field
8) Explanations about problems in your background (if applicable)
9) Explanation of why you have chosen the specific grad school
10) Mention one or two professors whose work you appreciate
11) Specific features of the grad program which attract you
12) A brief conclusion repeating your purpose for applying to this program

Paragraph 1: Introduction/HookYour first paragraph should clearly state your intentions for
 applying and capture the reader with a hook.
Paragraph 2: Background, Interests, and Motivations (“segue”)Include a lot of details about your background, including
what classes you have taken and what additional related work
you have done.
Paragraph 3: Elaborate on your academic backgroundIf you do not have many academic experiences to draw on, be
more specific about what you learned from these courses/professors.
If you have extensive experience, focus on those most relevant to
your graduate program.
Paragraph 4: Extracurricular ActivitiesExtracurricular activities not only show dedication to a specific field or
 interest but also can convey qualities such as leadership
 and time management.
Paragraphs 5-6: Publications and More Recent ActivityIf you have been involved in additional research, writing, or any related
 activities recently, be sure to include these in your SOP letter.
Paragraph 7: Why are you and the school a good match?Many applicants to graduate school overlook the importance
of discussing the graduate program to which they are applying itself.
Be sure to name the school, program, and some resources it offers.
Paragraph 8: Conclusion/Commitment StatementInclude a brief “statement of intent” at the end of the letter to remind
the admissions officers that you are intent on entering their program.

Important questions to answer:

Paragraph 1:
 
What are your short-term and long-term goals? 

  • What do you hope to accomplish academically?
  • What sort of research or professional work do you want to do in the future with your graduate degree or Ph.D.?

Do you have any weaknesses or missing elements you need to explain?

  • Do you have any semesters of low grades that you may need to account for?
  • Any inconsistencies or big changes in your academic or professional direction?
Paragraph 2:
Academic/Professional Interests and Motivations
  • What most interests you about this area of study?
  • Why are you interested in this area and topic?
  • When did you first start to show an interest? How did you exhibit this interest?

Paragraph 3
Academic Background
  • What majors, classes, or other academic experiences have you had in this field?
  • Which of your work, research, and/or extracurricular experiences are related to this field

Paragraph 4:
Why are you interested in this university and graduate program?
  • What does this university/program offer you that other schools don’t?
  • Which courses and professors most interest you?
  • What makes you a “good fit” for this institution?
  • What will you bring to this program?
  • THIS IS WHERE YOU BRING OUT MISSION STATEMENT

What makes you stand out as a graduate school candidate?

  • What other information about you should the school know that will attract them to you?
  • Do you have any unique abilities or circumstances?






Hook possibilities:

- Anthropology is the science which tells us that people are the same the whole world over - except when they are different. Nancy Banks Smith
- The purpose of anthropology is to make the world safe for human differences. Ruth Benedict
- Anthropology was the science that gave her the platform from which she surveyed, scolded and beamed at the world. Jane Howard
-“I wondered why she craved this knowledge and found myself remembering that she was, after all, an anthropologist.” Elizabeth Kostova, The Historian.
- Anthropology holds up a great mirror to man and lets him look at himself in his infinite variety.”. Clyde Kluckhohn. 

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Further degree?

 There is  school I am looking into....

If I get in, I would be moving August 2024. almost a year and a half from now. 

  • - a PhD in cultural anthropology that looks amazing. only a BA is needed to get in, you earn your masters while in the program. 
  • - Will need to be fluent in at least one non-english language related to the area of study I want to research. Looks like Swedish is the easiest. It takes about a year to become 100% fluent; so I will need to pick that up soon. Babbel? Rosetta Stone? Idk how fluent I need to be vs what classes I can take there, but Swedish is offered there and its the easiest language out of all my options. (Plus I could read about Swedish fairies which looks hella interesting.)
  • Clubs = ways to meet and make community
    • No pagan clubs but  - Baha'i Campus Association (which is all about the oneness of humanity, nature, and creation.... could be a good group to join.)
    • Anthropology Club
    • Multiple Gaming Clubs (D&D <3)
    • Archery Club and Fencing Club!!!
    • Mind. Body. Badger. Club (women's wellness club)
    • Multiple martial arts/defense/self discipline clubs
    • Adventure Learning Programs (this could also lead to funding i think!!)
    • Socratic Society (Philosophy club!!!)
    • Young Democratic Socialists of America
  • They have a LGBT (Gender and Sexuality) Center - with a specific area for grad students. 
  • -26K for out of state tuition. 
    • However assistantships and fellowships seem to be plentiful that cover a large portion if not all of  the tuition... and if i Take out additional loan money like i did in undergrad I may be able to pay for my rent with it each year. I'd work I think 15-30 hours a week... have a full coarse load of work. But Maybe able to join a club or two!!

If rent is 1100. 


plus a 20,000 stipend = 20,000/9 = 2222 a month x .8 = 1777? -- (assistantship, 15 hours?)

1777 a month. 



1100 (rent)

324 (car)

100 (insurance --  done through geico online quote)

65 (electric)

- wifi included

- heat, gas, sewer, trash included

-80 health insurance? ---- based on assistantship.

- 75 student loans

- 200 gas

---------------------------------------

1944 basic bills. 

- 211(personal loan)

-----------------------------------------

2155

+ 210 parking for school

+ 200 food, fun, savings, misc. 


2565 - 1777 = 788. so lets say 800 a month. 800 x 12 = 9600. round that up to 12K a year in student loans which would essentially cover my rent??????


This might actually work. Financially. At least for the first year while I establish myself and figure things out. I already got 25K of my loans approved to be forgiven. So that leaves 25K... if I take out 10K during the masters part of the program (2.5 = 3 years) that puts me at 55K (pretty much where I'm at now...) by the time I get my Masters. Then its only about 1 more full year for classes in the PhD until I become a dissertee once I get there than SO MUCH grant funding comes up. 


*** might also qualify for food stamps again being a student?

**** Personal loan costs for the move:

  • 6,000 
    • $152 a month for 48 months (4 years)
  • 8,000
    • $202 a month for 48 months (5 years)
  • 10,000
    • $211a month for 60 months (5 years)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Dresser can be broken down if need be and stored in automan.
- Couch
- Cat tree
- TV and TV stand
- Cat Station 
- Mattress? (would be ideal but not mandatory to bring. )
- Bedframe (easy to fold and very portable)
- Clothes (vacuum seal for easier storage - but SERIOUSLY downsize because new clothes will need to be bought)
- Coffee Mugs and mom's plates
- Air Fryer
- Microwave from parents (to be stored)
- my baking stuff and spatulas. 


Sell/Give away/Throw away
- Futon
- Air Fryer Toaster Oven....
- Kitchen Pots & Pans (buy new set when arrive)
- the few bowls I kept


Moving options:
1) U-haul and Tow my car 
- $2000 plus gas and hotel stay. 
- $1000 for movers
- Will be terrifying driving that large of a load but cheapest option. 

2)Have a friend drive the U-haul while I drive my car (with the cats) - Fly friend back
- flight ticket - anywhere from $350-500. 
- Won't have to hire movers if person helps unload
- $1525 plus gas and hotel stay for 2 people

3) U-Haul shipping container x2 
- Fill 2 uhaul shipping containers. 9 days to arrive (will need to purchase air mattress)
- $1000 for movers
- $2700 plus hotel and gas for self. 
estimated cost: 5K? 

Plus rent and deposit for apartment. 
estimated cost for move: 7K?

Option 3 is more expensive but if i'm going by myself may have to be what i go with. 

(and if I move in August.... I will need to pay Aug and Sept rent)

Order of preference:

  • https://www.apartments.com/limestone-ridge-apartments-fitchburg-wi/q9xzxpz/
  • https://www.apartments.com/maple-grove-apartments-madison-wi/0h2qkm3/
  • https://www.apartments.com/lamplighter-apartments-madison-wi/b68s6jb/
  • https://www.apartments.com/timberlake-village-apartments-madison-wi/7p5x5fx/

******
Alternatively:
I drive myself and a medium uhaul trailer. 

Medium would honestly fit probably almost everything
Dresser can be broken down if need be and stored in automan.
- Couch
- Cat tree
- TV and TV stand (put TV in my car)
- a box or two of kitchen stuff. 
- Bedframe (easy to fold and very portable)
- Clothes 
- maybe my deep freezer If it fits. 
- burlesque would be condensed & air sealed
- computer would be in my car

1000 for movers. 
Hitch + trailer = 500
Gas and hotel on the way up: 1000?
So like… 3K plus move in expenses like first month and deposit. So like… 5K?

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

Writing exercise 1 - We're being watched (Wilde Queen?)

 Prompt: "we're being watched." "you always think that." "I'm always right"

Music: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkmJMAnSFPdI-T47Ah4enR-m_ailqsQCG

*******

"We're being watched." Raven hissed under her breath, taking a step closer to me and wresting a hand on my hip, an easy going smile plastered to her face but not touching her tense eyes. 

Rolling mine, I responded, "You always think that." I gave a little chuckle but began to covertly scan the crowd in the market when her hand tensed around my hip. She was seriously concerned. 

"I'm always right," She breathed into my ear as she nuzzled her face close to mine as if about to embrace me. She pulled me close into a hug, allowing me to face a group of men leisurely lounging in the shade of a tavern. "See them? They're trying too hard not to look at us. We've been marked. When I say so... move." My breath hitched with anticipation. The sun was bright as it beat down on us, I could taste the dust from the earth in the desert air, and my heartbeat slowed as a bead of sweat rolled down my face. She was right. One of them casually scanned the market in its entirety and purposefully shifted his gaze from us.  

"Rav-"

"Move."

We pivoted behind a farmer's cart before I could say anything. Ducking under the cover of the large harvest we dipped into a narrow alley formed between two tall buildings and ran. I forced myself to pace my breathing as we ran, hearing the shouts of men in the bustle of the market behind us. My feet moved quickly on the dusty stretch of road, with one hand I shifted my head covering to make sure it wouldn't fall, my other hand clasped tightly by the assassin before me, pulling me to her pace whether I could match her or not.

 I tried but failed to hold back the yelp as I heard something whiz past my head and thump deeply into a barrel at our sides. Arrows. They were shooting arrows at us. I was surprised when a male scream echoed my own and a body fell with a heavy thud, too close for comfort, as another man shouted orders. 

"Alive. We want her alive. Touch a hair on her head and your own will roll." His voice was deep and almost gravelly. It was one I recognized but did not know from where. They were gaining on us and in a moment of either bravery or insanity I pulled from Raven's grasp and turned to face our pursuers. I felt a swell of energy in my chest and forced it through my arms as I threw them up in the air. A gust of wind followed my movements as our enemies slammed into an invisible shield. I felt my eyes burn as I commanded the shadow of the buildings to climb the shield and wrap around the... one, two, three, four remaining men. There were cries of confusion and I snarled as more power rushed from my body. My teeth aches as I felt them elongate, my hands curling to form claws, my nails sharp and fingers stiff and curled as if ready to swipe should any of them break free. 

"My Lady!" Raven's voice sounded far away despite her close proximity to my pointed ears. My grimace of pain and power shifted to shock when I sensed the movements of another man suddenly behind us. 

"Behind," I breathed as I whipped my magic to shield her from a flying object shooting so fast I couldn't see it. The blade clanged and fell uselessly. "Another Mage?" I asked tensely, my shadow grip on the others tightening with my rising anxiety. I could hear cries of panic and pain. I felt my blood-rage rise at the sound, filling me with both dread and excitement. I had a the breath of a moment to decide how to handle them before I addressed the mage behind us. To kill  them or not... decide. decide now. I longed to hear the crunch of their bones. See their blood drip from the grips of my shadows. I screamed as I tightened the shadows, the cries were loud and were followed by dull thumps as they fell into the dust, unconscious. Not dead. Not dead. I reminded myself as bile churned my stomach. 

I turned to face out last enemy and jolted with shock. A tall man stood before us patiently, his long dark hair pulled into a ponytail and his face obscured by a mask; like his voice it seemed familiar but I knew not how or where.

"We meet again My Queen." his words sounded as if a hundred men spoke at once, his own magic gathering around him. To raven it simply felt like a warm wind was moving around us, but I saw it clearly. My eyes burned from the use of magic, I felt something  wet rolling down my cheeks as I forced my blurring vision to focus on the violently blue energy swarming and filling the alley. My own, now just a bubble of swirling golden energy seemed almost a bubble of light around us, in a sea of his power. I tried not to be moved by the deep and bold color of it. His mask had blue paint that attempted to match his energy, but it fell short in the way no one could truly paint and match the light of the sun. 

Something about this man moved me and I could not tell if it was fear, awe, or what emotion pulled at my chest. I tensed and angled my back to Raven's, her breathing slow and steady, ready for a fight. She could not see our hopeless situation, we were out gunned and surrounded by this man. How he had dodged my power before amazed and confused me. I gasped as his energy pressed mine, I refused to give in but felt the weight of it trying to crush us. 

"Do I know you?" I gasped, my false bravado ruined by the exhausted breathlessness of my voice. 

"My Lady..." Raven's concern was palpable as I realized the moisture running down my face was blood. My eyes and nose were bleeding from the sheer power leaving every pore of my body to protect us. The metallic taste was unpleasant on my lips. When I finally turned my face to him full on I was shocked to find he instantly dropped his bombardment of magic in an instant. One moment we are on the verge of drowning in sapphire magic and the next nothing. 

"Lower your shield My Lady." He barked the order, his voice once again nothing more than a deep melody that seemed to float to my ears and settle in my chest. "I need you alive. Do not drain yourself for nothing. I will not attack with magic." He gave an arrogant chuckle, "I do not need to." 

Reluctantly I dropped my magic and sagged against Raven, her slender arm supporting me as she shifted her body protectively Infront of me, knife drawn. "I wouldn't be so sure of that." Her threat was quiet. I anxiously held my breath, as I moved to the wall of abuilding and sank to the ground. She took a small step forward, a second knife appearing in her other hand. Many men had underestimated the famous Spider, but I doubt this one had. He oozed calm, silent, power. I did not doubt his talent in hand to hand combat would match the sheer strength of his magic. I did not know who this man was, but my ever instinct said that this was not a fight that we could win - yet. 

I forced myself to stand and placed one hand on the wall, with one outstretched and small of her back. "Raven...." I whispered, pulling the last reserves of magic I had left. I knew the exhaustion that would come, could already feeling it set into my bones. He knew what I was doing and leapt forward, arm outstretched, snarling in frustration. But he was too late, I gripped her as tight as I could and pulled us both through the portal. It closed mere seconds before he could get to us and our bodies fell into the void. I knew not where we were going, but I felt Raven wrap her arms around me as I fell into unconsciousness. There was a vague awareness as we crashed through greenery and landed, ungracefully, upon the earth. I could smell the dirt, it seemed it has just rained, and heard gasps as I descended into the inky blackness of sleep. 

Monday, January 16, 2023

Letters to manifest - healing.

 Supposedly one of the best ways for people to manifest for emotional aspects is to manifest with methods best for their moon sign. I have a Gemini moon. One of the best manifestation methods for Geminis is to write letters to the universe/gods. 


So lets do that. 



Dear Universe, 

I surrender myself to the gods. I surrender my burdens, and I trust in the divine timing. I surrender the timeline I created for myself. I will stop trying to force my life to progress and  I will simply go with the flow of life. Love will come when it is meant to. Roots will grow where they are meant to. That being said... 


  • Attn: Brigid
    • Brigid you are my life's patron goddess. It is ever so clear in who I am as a person why that is. I trust you. I trust your guidance. I understand *why* this happened, and I am grateful that it was not as traumatic as it could have been. I only seem to learn via thew tower, thank you for not letting me be crushed as it fell. That being said, please help me to rebuild. I am rebuilding with a foundation focused on myself. I want to focus on myself, I want to write, I want to dance, I want to sing. I want to *see* more, I want to *hear*, or at the very least I want to be able to *feel*. I want to manifest a foundation of self love, self belief, and dedication. For that I need help. 
  • Attn: Lilith
    • Lilith, first I want to say sorry. Everyone is saying that its not my fault, but I truly don't believe that and I want to apologize for letting myself become a victim again. I am sorry I was naïve and foolish. I am sorry I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Thank you for looking out for me and not letting him be able to be successful in hurting me. The experience did what it was meant to; I am sworn off dating. Not only am I disinterested in dating, I am anti-relationship right now. I want to build walls, tall and thick around my heart so that only someone worthy would even attempt to climb them. I ask for your help in this. I ask for your help in freeing myself - for while the walls are important I also do not want to cage myself. Help me to be free, light, and able to be as bright as I want and take comfort in the darkness when I wish. I ask for freedom from the guilt that comes when I allow myself to be in the darkness, and reminded that no one is obligated to my time and energy except myself. I am not a bad person for this. I owe nothing to anyone. I ask also, for help with my hurt and anger. I cannot direct it at others, I only have it towards myself. I need guidance on how to direct it to something productive, that will build me up. (You need patience. Stay in the shadows until you are healed, do not stand in the harsh light until you are ready. *I see an image of me in a black cloak, sanding int he shadow of a wall and being wrapped in it, the shadow. I am not scared. I am at peace.*)
  • Attn: Demeter
    • Demeter, I need a mothers love right now. Shame has held my tongue from my mom, talking to her would only cause sorrow and worry when she is so far away. So I turn to you. Divine mother... I need comfort. I need tenderness. I cannot give these things to myself, I am too angry. too angry. I need someone to show me that tenderness, wrap me in an embrace and love me until I can love myself again. Then I want to grow. As a goddess of the harvest, this year I want to plant the seeds of self love and self belief. I want to plant the seeds of determination and devotion - both to my gods and to my own power and art. I want to grow in personal power, I want to grow in my faith, I want to grow as a writer. Please help me to grow, so that by the time the harvest has arrived, I can reap the fruits of my growth and manifestation. But right now.. the winter has frozen the soil. My heart is too hard to lay the seed. I need a mothers love right now, to warm me and make my eart tender towards myself. Please. 
  • Attn: Kwan Yin 
    • Hello Good Lady, in a much similar plea I reach out to you about unconditional love and forgiveness. You love everyone. There is no one who is not worthy of love. As I embrace my shadow for a time, to heal in the dark and eventually merge in the light a better and stronger woman, I will need a reminder that the world is not only cruel, that not all people will hurt me, and that it is safe to be open and vulnerable with others. I do not seek this in a romantic partner. More so, I ask that as I stay in the darkness, cocoon myself for transfiguration, do not let me isolate from my friends and family too much. I will be hermitting, but help me remember that i have love to give to others, and I am worthy of receiving that same love. 
  • Attn: Aine
    • Aine. I am back. This latest assault was mild, sop mild that I am angry with myself for being so fragile and unnerved by it. I feel as though I am just being dramatic and yet I can't do anything about it. Being around people exhausts me. I do not want to perform because the idea of other people eyes on my body, after having it violated, makes me want to shriek. I love to perform, but I want to hide. I want to hide until I am so strong that when I re-emerge people will flee from me. I want to be looked upon with the same awe and fear, as one may look upon a dragon. I do not want to hide out of fear, but rather out of an intense need to shield myself. Aine, you are a healer. I need healing. As mild as the incident was, I am emotionally torn and raw. I am ashamed. I am angry. I am so very very very very very angry. I have to options, to take this anger I feel towards myself and keep it directed at myself or to send it out and take out innocent bystanders in an attempt to self preserv3e myself. One moment I am so angry I want to hurt myself, the next I want to set the world on fire for people having the gall to even look at me. Neither of these are fair, to anyone. I need help. I need to heal this anger and I am truly at a loss as to how.  I connect you to the element of water. I ask you to please, wash me. Wash me clean. I feel dirty, defiled, and I burn with rage. Wash it away. Wash it all away. Let me soak in your lake waters and feel the coolness wash over me. Let it sooth the anger. Let it make me feel clean and pure again. Aine, out of everyone I am reaching out to, in this moment I believe I need you the most. This anger will burn me and my world up if I do not find a way to put out the flame. 
  • Attn: Maeve, 
    • Maeve... In much a similar tone to Lilith, I ask your help in building up armor around myself. I own that what happened could have been avoided, but I was foolish. I take accountability for it. and because of that, I harbor so much blame and anger at myself. I know that I will need to pull away from the world while I try to rein this in, for right now it is out of control. Maeve, you are so strong. As a Queen you took what you wanted and you held your ground. You were fast, strong, brave, and fierce. This is what I want. "I want to be looked upon with the same awe and fear, as one may look upon a dragon". Much as you were. I know this stems from a place of... not quite fear, but an intense protective instinct. You are a goddess of personal sovereignty. I fear that I am at the mercy of my emotions, my cptsd is flaring like a forest fire. I need to be reminded there is a difference between taking accountability and totally berating myself over what happened. Please help me with this. But also, please help me to become firm in my boundaries. I need to regain control over my emotions, my body, my life. You are my goddess of magic as well, it is my hope that as I begin to take control back in my life, we can manifest control over the budding abilities I have. I want to grow, in faith and spiritual ability, and in strength and personal power. You are a goddess who can help with it all. 
  • Attn: Bast
    • Bast... you make me feel safe. As I hide and heal in the dark... please just guard me. Please keep me safe. Remind me that I am safe. "With your graceful stealth anticipate the moves of all who perpetrate cruelties and stay their hands against the children of the light.... and ever watch over us in the lonely places in which we must walk." Our relationship is a quiet one... but I need you now. 
I have 3 gods I could write to; Thoth, Lucifer, and Cernunnos. I will write to them tomorrow. 
For now, 

Thank you to the universe, and thank you to my goddesses.

With love, 

Lisa. 

Monday, January 2, 2023

Say it with me:

 Say it with me:


You are getting ahead of yourself and I am uncomfortable with the way this conversation is headed

Post Assault pre therapy

 It comes in the quiet moments:

Stupid. 

How could you have been so stupid. 

I was stupid for going there already tipsy. 

I was stupid for not leaving when I realized he wasn’t honoring his own rule. 

I was stupid for going to his home. 

Stupid.

Stupid.

Filthy. 

I felt his penis. 

Stupid. 

Nieve, not stupid. - F

It was squishy as he tried to ram it inside me.

Stupid.

I want to barf.

“Not my fault” - my fault. 

I showed up tipsy. I got drunk. 

I let him do the other things.

That’s why he thought he could do THAT.

Not your fault. - F

He didn’t ask. - Flower 

You didn’t know. - ???

Not our fault. - Siren

It’s okay - ??

He didn’t have a condom. 

I wouldn’t have done anything without a condom. 

I felt his penis. 

I want to barf.

Dirty

Defiled 

Lucky I got off so easy. 

Stop it - F 

Someone is crying. Maybe it’s them. Maybe it’s me. 

Stupid.

How could I have been so stupid?