New Apartment Viewing

 So I saw my apartment yesterday. 

it is a LOT better than I was expecting. 

Its newly refurbished... black countertops and appliances INCLUDING A MICROWAVE AND DISHWASHER. Lots of counter space! All dark cabinets, although there is limited cabinet space so a pantry is a must.  

Dark wood flooring everywhere except for the bedroom. The Bedroom is small, but doable. A twin would provide the most space but I refuse to go back to that small of a bed. My boss is giving me his spare full bed and frame, so that is exciting and expenses I don't have to worry about! 

There is a window untit and baseboard heating... but the window unit is HUGE and would have NO trouble cooling down such a small apartment.. plus there are ceiling fans in both living room and the bedroom... add that with a dehumidifier and its going to be easy peasy to keep cool in the summer. Add a humidifier for the winter time. 

I'm going to leave my headboard for Chandler to use or get rid of at her leisure. It's big and bulky, and no longer serves me... especially if I'm going to be getting more bookshelves. 

I've gotten a bed and frame secured. I've got a coffee table secured and at least one little end table. I'm about to have a dresser secured. Madison said something about giving me some external hanging racks for my clothes. 

I think that I will keep Lilith in my bedroom... If I get a night stand with a drawer I can make that My sex drawer/lingerie... and Honestly.. I feel like if I put my most used toys on her alter then when I use them it would be done as an offering to her? Maybe I can get a small red chest and keep that on the top of the dresser?

Also for the living room....

I think I want to have a display case for all my masks. I think perhaps i will dedicate a mask to each deity too...Leave it on their altar. (This is dual purposed...1 - if I want to embody that deity I can put on the mask that will hopefully take on their energy...and 2 - should also reduce the number of masks I have to fit on the display case)

I'll have my altars on a big bookshelf... Demeter and Cernunnos are on one shelf. Maeve on one shelf. Aine on one shelf. Ancestors on one shelf.Brigid in the Kitchen. I think Kuan Yin will have a place next to the ancestors. Bast and Thoth I think I will put on top of the small bookshelf. I'll Move all my Jars and stuff to the kitchen, and see if I can fit the books that were on the headboard on that shelf? Might need to reduce my books a bit. 

Might not have to get some shelving for a pantry... I re-looked over the cabinet space and there's a section I could use as a pantry. Maybe. Its kind of small and I will have to climb on the counter to get it. 

I'll hang the Bast Tapestry on the wall in the kitchen. Then hang my fan over the couch With a standing Lamp that uses a magenta LED light? Put the Astrology tapestry behind the TV.  Have the movie displays beside the TV and then in the Corner have the cat litter plant?

Things still need to get:

Furniture:

- bedroom night stand --> Pick up next week (free)

- Plant Catlitter box --> Amazon $50

- dresser --> picking up tomorrow $50

- Display case for masks --> $85

- 2 DVD things from amazon ---> not a priority. $15 each

- Large bookshelf --> Walmart or Sam's Club $50

- Shoe Rack by the front door to hold all of my shoes (need to go through my shoes)

- Desk? Maybe?

-Curtains - Amazon $30

- Outside storage container - $150

- Small Stone Table/Birdbath for faerie altar outside? 

- Garden Box?as a faerie altar?

Household Items

- Welcome Mat - Amazon : Speak friend and enter

- Laundry Detergent and dryer sheets 

- Pink Weighted Blanket

- Hand Soaps

- bathroom mat (in tub and out)

- Shower Curtain (waterproof cloth one) 

- Silverware and Knife set 

- Cooking Spoons and Spatulas 

- Wine opener

- dishwasher pods - need right away

- TACKS!! - need right away

- Scissors! - need right away

- Paper Towels - need right away

- Toilet Paper - need right away

-  water filter pitcher - need right away

- cleaning supplies (windex, bathroom cleaner, broom)

- tub stopper if I want a bath

- electric kettle

- Pan Holders/Oven Mitts 

hungry

 I'm getting hungry.

Not physically hungry, although that's something that should worry me.. 

energetically hungry. 

Its been just over 2 weeks since the breakup and I don't have an energy source to feed from now. I don't want sex itself... I want the energy it brings. I want to feed (as cringe as that sounds). 

The idea of feeding on a stranger makes me cringe because

1) we are in a pandemic and I can't go around kissing strangers

2) I... don't want to kiss a stranger. 

3) Its not easy finding a vibe I actually enjoy enough to want to feed on it. 

Struggles of an energy vamp. 

Lilith

 Lilith

Okay so. I hadn't blogged about this because I wanted to be sure. 

So towards the end of my 7 week focus with brigid, she indicated that my next step was to embrace the wild/feral part of myself that I have under lock and key. Whenever I would ask for details about it I got cards about sexual freedom and deep spiritual change. What was holding me back? The devil tarot card.... attachment. 

I couldn't move forward because I was happy in my relationship. I was okay with putting it to the side. She was not. 

There was also the issue of who she said would guide me through my next spiritual cycle... Lilith.  I do not know what to do with freedom, to an extent it scares me. There was so much about what was hinted would unfold with her that I was intimidated.

 1) There are super heavy sex associations and it had been made clear to me that I was suppose to take on almost a "man-eater" persona. That scared me. 

2) Many people consider her a closed practice, (from her jewish associations) and I didnt want to cross any cultural lines. 

3) Solitude and Shadow Work. Real deep devoted shadow work. 

1) I am no longer in that relationship (*cries*) but I am thoroughly confused and doubtful about  the sex part. Being ace I don't really see the point of having sex outside of a relationship. however Lilith has pretty much said that its not something I'm going to just jump into aor be thrown in. Last night I talked to her about it. She told me my first step was to learn myself, and not to focus on the sexual aspects for now. (cross that bridge when we get there). But... last night she sent me a dream, to kind of show me the situations that could lead to casual sex while also not being scary or intimidating. She showed me how it could happen organically. It was reassuring.

2) I received explicit permission through a very intense card reading and spiritual messages. The key factor being, I could reach out to her... but she might not have reached back out. Well... she did. I was surprised with how clear she came through too... and she willingly spoke to me through my cards as well. 

3) This isn't going to be a fast process. I don't have to have all the answers. But she's willing to help me. The first step of freedom is getting to know myself again... gain a direction I really want to go into in life. My time of being a kid in her home town is going to end soon. I need to figure out where I want to fly to when I leave the nest. Step 1: self discovery and being okay with being alone. (while I am totally fine with being alone and the idea of being single for a while, I do struggle with loneliness. This will give me a refresher course on being alone seing as I han't been single long term in 3 years.)

(on another note Lilith doesn't feel anything like what I was expecting. I was expecting cold and controlled like Maeve... but she's not. Shes VASTLY approachable. she's almost like if Maeve and Aine combined.)

I see her as an iridescent silver snake. I have had that image in my mind since i decided I would start to work with her. Lo and behold... when I opened the package that held the Lilith book... there was a silver snake with the pink lotus flower as her imagery. This feels right.

Shes not my patron by any means, but she is for sure my teacher and the teacher I need at this time in my life.  

Lilith guide me. Like a snake let me shed the skin of who I was and emerge a new being. Stronger, kinder, more impassioned, and more sure of who and what she is. May I emerge fresh and with purpose. 

Making Moves. Once Again.

 I have put down the application for the place i'm trying to move. 

If I get approved then I will be close enough to walk to work on nice days. 

Looking at some official numbers

1500

-------------

- 475 rent

- 270 car payment and insurance 

- 50 phone

-100 student loans (might be able to finagle?) 

-60 credit card 

-30 cats

-30 gas

- 65 health ins

- 70 utilities (i do laundry once every 2 weeks.. hardly ever turn on lights) 

- 40 internet --> Suddenlink

- 100 savings

- 15 gym --> this is detrimental to my health. 

- 100 (misc. household, clothes, etc)

-----------------------------

95 for food a month. 

Deplete savings at move in. 

Pay off credit card and reimburse savings with financial aid in January. 

Put groceries on credit card and try to pay at least $75 a month on it. 

- FOOD BANKS

- MUST apply for EBT... I really do think I just barley qualify... even if its like $50 it would really help me a lot. 

Pre-Hermit

 So. Instead of chandler taking his room and making him move out... I'm going to live on my own. There are a lot of reasons to do this. Money will be REALLY FUCKING tight. But I will find a way to make it work. See if I can qualify for EBT... go to foodbanks on Saturday or Sunday mornings. But I have been craving my own space, and wanting to get away from paramount anyway. I'll be so close to work that I could walk to work in the mornings (although crossing the street is going to be hard). 

This way Chandler can stay living with him, hes not alone without any support... and I know they really do get along with each other. She'll be happier living with him than living with me. Besides... I think I really need to take some time to myself after all this. I jumped right into a relationship after Jimmie and never took the time to myself. I don't want to do that again. Even just sharing a living space.. I want somewhere that is mine and just mine. 

Somewhere I can bring people in when I want and then be alone when I want. Somewhere I can heal and grow and then emerge when I'm ready. I want it to be just me and my cats again. Go out and see people... have people come see me. But it would be my space. 

These are things I need to acquire... but the things in bold are what I will need right away DAY of move in. 

Deposit: 500 + 150 utilities fee + Suddenlink fees = 800 est. fees alone to move and get internet

 Furniture:

Living Room

Futon/Couch 

- Me: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Memory-Foam-Futon-Black-Suede/115008300 --> $160 before tax

- Cara: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Serta-Casual-Convertible-Easton-Sofa-Microfiber-Black/957729368?selected=true --> 130 before tax

TV stand - Already have one

Shelving - Headboard already have (books one side, movies the other?)

TV - already have

DVD Player - already have

Desk (for art and computer) - 

Shoe rack (by the door) - 

Coffee Table - https://www.walmart.com/ip/Ktaxon-Lift-Top-Coffee-Table-Modern-Furniture-Hidden-Compartment-and-Lift-Tablet-Black/260520666 ---> $120 before tax

Low seating for game nights/hidden storage for games - 

Mock Plant Cat Litter (and I can throw out the one I currently use)  - https://www.amazon.com/Good-Pet-Stuff-Hidden-Litter/dp/B000MPR2GI/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31HMPAVRKLT8&dchild=1&keywords=plant+hidden+litter+box&qid=1602705726&sprefix=plant+hidden%2Caps%2C138&sr=8-1 --> 50

Lamp?

Curtains 

Kitchen:

- Microwave - https://www.walmart.com/ip/Hamilton-Beach-1-1-Cu-Ft-1000W-Stainless-Steel-Microwave/941582049 ---> $70

- portable dishwasher

- tap water filter

- ice trays

- mini freezer

- plates and cups = target/walmart plastic ones. 

- Silverware and knife set (take the cutting board)  - walmart probably like $30

- Shelving = Pantry - https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-4-Door-Storage-Cabinet-Dark-Chocolate/20666620 $110

Bedroom:

- BED AND FRAME (Full) 

      - https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-14-High-Profile-Foldable-Steel-Bed-Frame-Powder-coated-Steel-Full/49920622.  --> 65$

     - https://www.samsclub.com/p/sleep-innovations-8-inch-gel-memory-foam-full-mattress/prod21220147?xid=plp_product_2 --> $200

- pet stairs??

- portable closet - https://www.walmart.com/ip/Zimtown-New-Portable-Closet-Large-Storage-Space-Holder-Clothes-Wardrobe-Shoe-Rack-Shelf/901218444 --> $52

- Cheap Dresser (at least a small one for my PJ's, pants, and delicates)

https://www.amazon.com/ODK-Dresser-Drawers-Storage-Organizer/dp/B087T5178D/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3LTWBK3UVET9H&dchild=1&keywords=dressers+for+bedroom&qid=1602707471&s=home-garden&sprefix=Dresser%2Cgarden%2C156&sr=1-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzNDI1TEM2QldaSzhQJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjkwNDEyMlpOR1VFN1ZHTFo5TSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMDUyODE1RVNFNTZQTFNMU1JMJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==  --> $70

- shoe rack

- shelving - https://www.amazon.com/Mainstay-5-Shelf-Standard-Bookcase-Black/dp/B07K85C724/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3UWFGL92ZQLZQ&dchild=1&keywords=bookshelf&qid=1602708626&s=home-garden&sprefix=books%2Cgarden%2C164&sr=1-3 --> $42

- End tables at (least 2) - https://www.amazon.com/Furinno-11157Gyw-Night-Stand-French/dp/B01NBJMHFK/ref=sxin_9?ascsubtag=amzn1.osa.d52b34f0-cc35-43c3-81dd-d46c2f37d2cd.ATVPDKIKX0DER.en_US&creativeASIN=B01NBJMHFK&cv_ct_cx=end+tables&cv_ct_id=amzn1.osa.d52b34f0-cc35-43c3-81dd-d46c2f37d2cd.ATVPDKIKX0DER.en_US&cv_ct_pg=search&cv_ct_wn=osp-single-source-gl-ranking&dchild=1&keywords=end+tables&linkCode=oas&pd_rd_i=B01NBJMHFK&pd_rd_r=80a90915-f219-42fc-b99c-288a8eb6c8c5&pd_rd_w=QFrC0&pd_rd_wg=jds1q&pf_rd_p=26c7e498-3189-4918-a321-ec25e32964ce&pf_rd_r=B1R9FY9MPB90KWKYKW2W&qid=1602708533&s=home-garden&sr=1-2-d9dc7690-f7e1-44eb-ad06-aebbef559a37&tag=tbonsite-20 --> $60

- Colored christmas lights (pink, purple, blue, or gold?) 

- Night stand https://www.walmart.com/ip/Zimtown-Nightstand-with-2-Drawers-Bedside-Furniture-Accent-End-Table-Chest-for-Home/926860720 --> $30

Bathroom:

- shower curtain - 25 amazon

- floormat

Outside:

- Small Storage shed for boxes and stuff  

- Faerie Alter? 

- Garden box? (mint, thyme, rose?) 

Furniture: $999.... 

Small and Misc Stuff: ALL need to be had.

- dish detergent (before I get the dishwasher)

- Scrubby

- Laundry Detergent

- Dryer sheets

- TACKS TACKS TACKS

- scissors

- Tape

- Handsoap

- Toilet Paper!!!!!!

- Paper Towels

- (Wax melt goes in the kitchen)

- Food. Bulk up on food to start. Fill the pantry. 

Alters:

Aine - Bathroom by the mirror

Maeve - bedroom

Brigid - Kitchen

Lilith? - Bedroom on dresser

Soul - Bedroom on Dresser

Kyuan Yin - Living Room

Native Ancestors - Living Room?

Demeter - living Room? Bedroom?

Cernunnos - Living Room? Bedroom?

Where I hope to be moving:

https://wainrightproperties.com/properties/village-quarters/ --> 475 a month. 

other possibilities:

College Park - although I'll either have neighbors above or below me :(  and I would need to get washer and dryer.  

Rivers Edge - https://www.idealpropertymgmtgroup.com/rivers-edge-east-apts

Portable washer/Dryer (this has great reviews... wash once with soap, once without, spin each half of the load twice to dry)

 - https://www.amazon.com/Giantex-Portable-Compact-Washing-Machine/dp/B01ALBMIEI/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&aaxitk=UZjHdTD4hXD16aBe5aZSRQ&hsa_cr_id=3035020030601&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_mcd_asin_0

The bare minimum I need is the pantry ($110), the microwave ($70),  the bed (200), the closet ($52), the dresser ($70), and some night tables ($30 x 2) - oh and the plant kitty litter ($50). 

The living room furniture can wait. For now, I can use boxes and my spare blankets to make a makeshift seat xD and a tub as the coffee table. haha. 

Josh's mom may be able to give me some furniture... 

Hermit

 The Hermit.

I need to Retreat... 

I need to retreat. I want to be alone. I want to enter a cocoon and grow so that I can emerge a stronger woman. I want to be able to embolden those around me and intimidate weak men. I want to be seen for my strength and not just my weakness. 

I want to retreat. I want to be alone. 

I could have grown on my own with a partner.. with the RIGHT partner.. but for now I am alone. I am at peace with this. 

I need to care for myself. Spend time for myself. Do things that I enjoy, alone or with friends, but ultimately for myself. I am not afraid. And I am not alone... 

I have brigid by my side. She who guides me and walks with me all of this life. 

I have maeve at my back, reinforcing my strength, waiting for me to take the next step. 

I have Aine in my heart. She reminds me that this pain is temporary, that I have given so much love to others it is time to turn it to myself. When I am ready, another will enter my life. 

I have Demeter, whom I have not forgotten. May she help me grow the seeds I intend to plant. 

And for now.... I have Lilith. She who I do not yet know, but she who will be the catalyst, the inspiration, and the motivation for my transformation. 

I want to throw myself into my work..

I have work books that I plan to get and go through. 

• - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1674923430/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=emergence333-20&linkId=b940a925c9341564b094e1530a084d40&language=en_US&fbclid=IwAR1r_YmlVuT4GZSCAoUxskFUq5UAmQNUGkKuzFtuszostzFJcMVIIhMOHWU
• - https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Who-You-Are-Transformation/dp/1726635139/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/132-6513599-4394242?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1726635139&pd_rd_r=6d4a27d6-4e70-4998-b6d8-b6d66306970d&pd_rd_w=lJtZ4&pd_rd_wg=umA7o&pf_rd_p=b65ee94e-1282-43fc-a8b1-8bf931f6dfab&pf_rd_r=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2&psc=1&refRID=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2 ^ Might give this to Lexi? Chandler? Invite them over for witchy nights. 
• - https://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Work-Journal-Workbook-Illuminate/dp/1091407843/ref=pd_sbs_14_5/132-6513599-4394242?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1091407843&pd_rd_r=6d4a27d6-4e70-4998-b6d8-b6d66306970d&pd_rd_w=lJtZ4&pd_rd_wg=umA7o&pf_rd_p=b65ee94e-1282-43fc-a8b1-8bf931f6dfab&pf_rd_r=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2&psc=1&refRID=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2

I want to get active again. 

I want to withdraw from the whole of society, just for a time, and emerge a stronger better woman. But this is a change I can only make for myself. I cannot *lean* on others for this. I may invite others to my space as a safe space for healing, but overall this will be a solitary journey - lest a guide manifest to go with me. I will not close off people... but I will not seek them. 

I will go to work 5 days a week. 

I will alternate going to the gym with working in the work books/spiritual growth. 

I will cook and meal prep. 

When school starts, I will factor that into the cycle. 

I am not half of a person... I have not lost a part of myself in this breakup. However I am two halves of a person and its time i bring them together. 

The first step is getting Chandler employed. Then getting me into a place on my own. 

I have gone through the tower, now its time to be the hermit. 

But I can't do that if i'm still living with them. 

Not the one for me... heres why.

Viking Man wasn't the one...Dalton... wasn't the one. 

If you remember, I did a love spell/petitioned a love goddess just before I met Dalton. 

At first glance he seemed to have hit all 5 of my requirements I asked the love goddess for. I received the signs for the "all clear" to date him.  Everything seemed to align. 

But looking at them again... Dalton doesn't fit ANY of the 5 requirements... 

Mandatory traits
1. Nonabusive high emotional intelligence
2. Family oriented
3. Witchy (faerie Witchy preferred - spiritual at the very least)
4. Compatible with emotional needs and lifestyle
5. Relationship geared towards long term autonomous growth

1- he was non abusive... but not with high emotional intelligence. 

2- He HAS a family... a son.. but he himself is not family oriented. 

3- he started out spiritually inclined but gave that up VERY quickly. 

4 - he was not compatible with all of my emotional needs ( a lot of them yes... but some pretty big ones? no) nor was he compatible with my life style. 

5 - this one. This is the ultimate reason we broke up. 

Dalton wasn't the one, but he showed me a more clear vision of what I want. 

I loved how childlike and playful our relationship was. Nothing was ever very serious and he encouraged me to be spiritual.. but he didn't join me. He raised my standards and kept me from going back to jimmie. 

He accomplished what it was he was meant to. But he wasn't the one for me. 

hug

 I want comfort. 

I want to be held by someone who makes me feel safe.

I want to disregard the entire world, and just fall away into a world of soft blankets, pillows, anime, and nature. 

I want to be surrounded by people or surrounded by spirits. 

I want to actually feel loved... not through words, not through physical touch, but through energy. I want to feel the energy of love. 

I want warm broth, with lots of flavors. 

I want to be bundled up in comfort. 

at the very least I need a fucking hug. 

But not a pity hug. Not a hug that is done out of desperation to make me feel better and frustration that they can't. I just want a hug that's got love in it. not sadness.

and you'll never guess the only person who came to mind. 

Begging

I beg my lungs to inflate, 

to fill with air,

to speak your name or scream, 

- that I do not know. 

I beg my heart to keep beating, 

despite wanting to lurch from my chest. 

To run towards you or from you,

- That I do not know. 

I beg my legs to hold me up,

put one foot in front of the other. 

To walk me forward or off a ledge,

- that I do not know. 

What I do know is, 

when you told me all was over,

I got on my hands and knees

and I begged. 

No More Viking Man

 So.... I was never going to break up with him. I was talking big so that I could confront him. 

I didn’t even get anywhere on my list past the wedding when he broke up with me. Last night. He claimed that he was too selfish and emotionally distant to be a decent boyfriend to anyone. 

Today I called him out on that being an excuse. Every person has a core flaw. Mine is dependency. His is selfishness. I was willing and able to accept and love him despite it. You can’t change your core flaw... you can manage and control it but it will always be there. 

So I wanted the real reason. 

And there it was. Same thing as Jimmie. 

“I don’t want to be with you”

“I want to be alone”

And just like that. With two days left till our year mark.

We are officially done. Nail in the coffin. 

Going to try and work it as roommates seeing as our lease doesn’t run up till July. 

I am so tired of investing myself, mind body spirit into someone only to hear the words “I love you but I don’t want to be with you” as soon as I finally let go of my final defenses. 

Re-Evaluating My relationship

 I love Viking Man. 

I can see myself marrying Viking Man. 

I honestly can't see myself or my life without him. 

But. 

I have been through enough disrespect in my past relationships I will not be tolerating any more. 

We were set to go to my grandmother's wedding this weekend. 

it's going to be emotionally taxing. It's going to be a long and exhausting drive. 

I wanted my boyfriend for support. 

Even though he said he didn't want to, he agreed to go. 

Yesterday he tell me there is a chance he could get a puppy (mind you, a puppy that doesn't fit our lifestyle and comes with a whole boatload of issues and could easily rack up over a grand in vet visits a year... but did he look into the breed? no. he likes it because he thinks it is cute) this weekend so he doesn't know if he is going to the wedding. 

If the guy never messages him - he will go to the wedding. 

If the guy says he can get the pup before the wedding - he won't go to the wedding because he doesn't want to get a puppy and leave it right after. for two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS. 

If the guy says he can come see the pup friday or saturday - he's not going to the wedding. 

The disrespect is unreal. 

1) He FINALLY said that he would wait to get a dog until we moved out of this apartment. I allowed myself to relax. Stop stressing. I had time.... Now he's going back on it. 

 --- This is an ongoing trend. He constantly says he will do something and then backs out at the last second. I am getting fed up. 

--- Getting a dog is inconsiderate to our roommates, myself, and our neighbors to say the least. And i told him when we first met that inconsideration was my biggest turn-off/pet peeve. 

2) He is missing possibly his only chance to meet my grandmother. 

3)He has proven once again that my opinion on the dog that he gets doesn't matter - which is incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate considering I will be living with it too. That or he doesn't expect our relationship to actually last and thus my opinion would be insignificant. So either he's an asshole or he doesn't actually think this relationship will work. 

4) He is choosing the possibility of getting a dog over me. How the hell is that supposed to make me feel. 

5) Ive already told him in the past he HAS to give me time to dog proof my room so the cats have space. Meaning i need to find and set up a super durable baby gate. Can't do that if i'm 8 hours away, alone, at my grandmother's wedding. 

6) EDIT: This is also the second time he has put his wants over me needing him for support. 

I love him but I have had to choose self respect and self love over a partner in the past. 

I am not going to stand for this. 

He can either fucking wait until we are out of the apartment, get a different fucking dog, NOT get it this weekend, or I honestly don't know if I can stay in this relationship - as amazing as it is in other aspects. I will not let myself be treated like a doormat again. Getting a dog is not a small decision and the fact that I get no say in the matter only goes to show he doesn't actually value me as a partner.  

I don't know if I somehow pissed off Oshun when I gave her my thank you offering but this definitely was unexpected. 

and to be clear it is not technically a dog we would be breaking up over, although I wouldn't have moved in with him if he already had one, its the disrespect of the situation. 

Academic Planning MS Tourism and Hospitality

 okay so it has come to my attention that i didn't write out the fact that I switched mjors in school?????

i went looking for the academic blog post about what I have remaining for school so I could plan my next and LAST semester... and realized.... I didn't make it. 

huge ball drop for me, really. So last semester I jumped ship, left the MBA for a new start in the best major ever: Sustainable tourism and Hospitality. 

By doing so I shaved off at least a year and a half of school time AND a class from both my sociology semester and my MBA semester counted towards needed electives.

So This is the course load for the entire degree:

** HOWEVER #3 can be replaced by 2 Options in #2. 

1. Core - 24 s.h.

• HMGT 6310 - Strategic Management of Conventions and Special Events
• HMGT 6400 - Critical Analysis of Food Service and Beverage Management Systems
• HMGT 6410 - Strategic Management of Lodging Operations
• HMGT 6420 - Current Issues and Strategies in Hospitality Management
• SUTO 6000 - Principles of Tourism and Sustainability
• SUTO 6100 - Environmental Systems and Sustainability
• SUTO 6200 - Development and Management of Sustainable Tourism
• SUTO 6300 - Policy and Planning for Sustainable Tourism

2. Elective - 3 s.h.

Choose from the following courses:

• ICS 7007 - Research Design in Marine and Coastal Studies
• ECON 6301 - Econometrics I
• GEOG 6150 - Quantitative Methods in Geography
• OMGT 6123 - Quantitative Methods
• PLAN 6301 - Computer Applications for Planning and Development
• PSYC 6430 - Statistics and Research Design
• RCSC 6110 - Research Methods in Recreation Sciences
• RCSC 6300 - Statistics and Analysis in Health and Human Performance
• SOCI 6212 - Social Statistics and
• SOCI 6213 - Social Statistics Laboratory
• SOCI 6488 - Seminar in Research Methods and Design
• SOCI 6500 - Qualitative Methods

3. Internship or special topics - 3 s.h.

• SUTO 6400 - Sustainable Tourism Internship or
• SUTO 6710 - Special Topics in Sustainable Tourism

Are you ready to see the kicker? 

* GREEN is what I have already FINISHED

* BLUE is for what I am CURRENTLY in. 

* YELLOW is what I need to take. 

1. Core - 24 s.h.

• HMGT 6310 - Strategic Management of Conventions and Special Events - Spring 2020
• HMGT 6400 - Critical Analysis of Food Service and Beverage Management Systems
• HMGT 6410 - Strategic Management of Lodging Operations
• HMGT 6420 - Current Issues and Strategies in Hospitality Management - spring 2020
• SUTO 6000 - Principles of Tourism and Sustainability
• SUTO 6100 - Environmental Systems and Sustainability
• SUTO 6200 - Development and Management of Sustainable Tourism - Spring 2020
• SUTO 6300 - Policy and Planning for Sustainable Tourism

2. Elective - 3 s.h.

Choose from the following courses:

• ICS 7007 - Research Design in Marine and Coastal Studies
• ECON 6301 - Econometrics I
• GEOG 6150 - Quantitative Methods in Geography
• OMGT 6123 - Quantitative Methods - Fall 2019
• PLAN 6301 - Computer Applications for Planning and Development
• PSYC 6430 - Statistics and Research Design
• RCSC 6110 - Research Methods in Recreation Sciences
• RCSC 6300 - Statistics and Analysis in Health and Human Performance
• SOCI 6212 - Social Statistics and
• SOCI 6213 - Social Statistics Laboratory
• SOCI 6488 - Seminar in Research Methods and Design - Spring 2019
• SOCI 6500 - Qualitative Methods

Bruh... I have a SINGLE class left next semester.

Now I plan to take a Graduate level human resources class (MGMT 6832) just to have that fresh in my mind when I graduate and I feel more confident getting an HR job. --- Will not let me take it :(

Do I take a third class (ENGL 7465) to remain a full time student? Or do I bite the bullet and begin to pay back my student loans... ?