Spiritual growth tools

 So some things that can really help me with my spiritual growth -- work books and retreats. 

One thing I want to keep in mind is that all religions have truth and helpful lessons. So Just because i may not identify with a religion doesn't mean there isn't something I can use. I drawn on buddhist practices to help me with my grief and runaway emotions, or my need to be a control freak, the buddhist practice of mindfulness has been an amazing tool. I honestly need to practice it more. 

So some books I would love to get:

 - The coursework from OBOD - $25 a month starting in janurary

- Shadow Self:A Reflective Journal for Personal Growth: A guided prompt journal for your journey to self healing and breaking generational curses

- The Goddess in the Shadow: Lessons from the Dark Goddesses and Shadow Work to Harness Dark Feminine Energy 

• Lilith - how to break free of your chains
• The Morrigan - how to transform your life
• Hecate - how to stay safe in the darkness
• Sedna - how to deal with betrayal
• Oya - how to clear away what is no longer needed
• Kali - how to handle your inner demons
• Baba Yaga - how to trust your intuition
• Persephone - how to move between the dark and the light
• Hathor - how to release your inhibitions
• Pelé - how to release your rage

- Shadow Work Journal and Workbook: A Compass for Navigating Self-Discovery, Embracing Your Shadow, and Conscious Living | 31-Day Journey of Self-Discovery

- Self Care for Witches: The Art of Healing and Self Love through Witchcraft

- Horns of Honor: Regaining the Spirit of the Pagan Horned God

- The Book of Cernunnos 

- By Oak, Ash, & Thorn: Modern Celtic Shamanism (Llewellyn's Celtic Wisdom) 

Retreats:

- https://bookretreats.com/6-day-reset-and-risemental-detox-retreat-in-caparica-portugal?searchId=37167571

- https://bookretreats.com/3-day-shamanic-energy-healing-detox-retreat-in-virginia-usa?searchId=37167652

- https://bookretreats.com/3-day-silent-meditation-yoga-weekend-retreat-north-carolinaus?searchId=37167652

- MAYBE - https://bookretreats.com/4-day-yoga-meditation-homestay-retreat-chiang-mai-thailand?searchId=37167652

Baby steps

 okay and theres something I realized/got told this weekend when it comes to my spirituality. 

If everything is levels and I am trying to get to level 100 (shaman level is my ultimate goal) 

I keep trying to start at like... a level 10 because back in highschool thats where I was. That was my natural baseline before life got in the way. 

But I can't start there because... well... I've fallen in skill level. by a lot. so I keep trying to hold myself to a standard that in't obtainable. so I get discouraged and the more discouraged I get the lower I fall. 

So starting at ground zero... My magic is bardic and deity work. so lets go back to the basics... it started with dance, poetry, and prayer. This doesn't have to be full energy work or trance dance, these don't have to be perfect poetry spells, nor des this mean i need full length conversation prayers. 

Just dancing for the joy of it. Little poetry diddys with small intention. Just saying good night to my gods. 

from there I can grow it. but if I start at the minium... I can't get discouraged. and If it becomes a pattern, then I can start adding on. 

But last night I included a little diddy in my petition for Brigid to bless my home and I immediately felt a difference in the prayer/manifestation. Thats where my power lies... in my movement, in my words, in my creation. 

I just have to actually believe in myself. 

that isn't acheived with leaps and bounds.. its done with reliable and steady baby steps. 

Budgeting without the panic. (new health insurance info)

To start, my bipolar epsiode had but my anxiety on a level 11/10. so, lets look at this in a more clear headed light. 

Also I found out that our bonus pay shows up on the NEXT month's paycheck. so October gave me an extra $300 - which will show up on november's paycheck. 

 income: $3087

$1250 rent and utilities --> not moving. we are never going to get this much space for this cost. 

$271 loan
$75 (25 and 50) credit - I transferred my sams balance to my lowest apr usaa card. 
$35 payment for flight up there to look at apartments.

$70 Joint membership - chiropractor - that can't go. quality of life. this is health care for chronic pain.
$235 car payment - its debt but also equity so not bold. 
$100 insurance 
$30 internet (spectrum)
$285 health insurance through marketplace
$170 student loans 
$200 groceries - need to be very cautious with this 
$90 pets

$20 10 subscriptions ($9 hulu, $7 pandora, $1 cloud space) - I have to cancel my pandora.

$10 humu medicine ($20 every other month)

$160 gas (might have to ask mom for a little help when i visit; plus the office will be moving closer)

$75 savings 

$25 spiritual work book subscription --> a single reading a month would cover this. Just one. 

$25 flight pass --- this is the only one I would pass on if i had to. 

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3081

thats $6 left over max on months where we have no bonus. But.... that hardly ever happens. so. I can breath. 

so this month will be tight but next month will be better. Because i'm also going to have to make monthly payments on my snow tires for the next 6 months. 

so - $1000 bonus: $500 to Loan debt and $500 to saving. 

bonus: 300 --> 100 to savings, 100 to checking, 100 to CC debt (25 and 75 per card). 

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Math for pets:

34 lb weight watcher blue buffalo last 3 months ($65)  = 22

Dehydrated food (55 last 5 mo)   - 11

wet cat food monthly 25

dry cat food $20 for 2 months = 10

Greenies 32 for 4 months  (if snow doesn't get into them and eat them ALL AT ONCE= $8

Meaty bones = $20 (2 months) = 10

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86... round to 90

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Starting in January I will need to re-factor. 

1) Work will be a little closer, so hopefully that will help lower my gas a bit. 

2) My health insurance will go up because my current one does not cover long term therapy. And... ideally I would like long term therapy. (more than 10 sessions or spanning more than 6 months)

My new insurance will be:

Anthem Silver Blue Preferred/Broad 4000 (3 Free PCP Visits + $0 Select Drugs + Incentives)

POS - Plan ID: 79475WI0530017

$370

3) We will be getting better bonuses starting January (Feb paycheck) - currently all employees get an even share of 10% of that month's profits. Starting in January it will be 15%. 

Move again

 I might have to move again because I just need something fucking cheaper. 

I have come to really love this apartment and love the space but I need to cut costs anyway that I can. 

I can cut the cost of gas (at least 160 a month) by moving closer to work. This would really help. 

This one is a top contender

https://www.maplegrovewisconsin.com/floorplans/

looking at their standard loft. 

THIS ONE IS RIGHT NEXT TO WORK. (although we are about to change offices)

https://www.apartments.com/uno-terrace-madison-wi/7zpjx8z/#incomeRestrictionAnchor

Budgeting updated and its not good.

 Okay so I have 3 big expenses that I am going to need that I need to budget for. Any monthly bonus pay i get must go towards my savings account for emergencies. Not these expenses.

1) Starting in January I'll be  the monthly cost of the bardic training program  - $25 a month. If I can swing it sooner I would love that but January 1st is my goal; for the new year I will officially begin druid/bardic spiritual training. This is non-negotiable. ONE reading a month will cover this.  or 2 at a ridiculously low cost. 

2) Frontier Flight pass - fly unlimited times and only pay for baggage - $2K upfront. Lasts Aprill 11 to May 2nd. - however flights have to be booked the day before... any earlier and theres a $40 fee. and no guarantee you can get the flight if you do wait for the $1 flight. oof. but then I can fly back to NC once a month and perform; which can get me 50-100$. The max I could put towards this a month is $25... This is less urgent although the crippling loneliness from missing my friends is definitely contributing to my mental health spiral. Not to mention I am teetering on the idea of a long distance relationship with a marine who lives in NC....

3) Snow tires.... OI I FOUND SOME FINALLY

MICHELIN X-ICE SNOW SUV - 225/65R17 106T XL 

https://www.discounttire.com/buy-tires/michelin-x-ice-snow-suv/p/89216

- about $850 for all 4. and includes installation. I need to do this during november. this takes priority.... offers a 5% discount for veterans. I can give Otis the money if he buys them for me... making them....closer to $625

at the END of november I get a bonus. so I could dip into savings for the tires and reimburse myself from that. The rest goes towards my credit cards. 

-------------------------

My christmas bonus is $1000. there was no bonus pay in october and i don't think november is looking optimistic.

Looking at my monthly expenses again:

income: $3087

$1250 rent and utilities

$271 loan

$80 (30, 25, 25) credit 

$35 payment for flight up there to look at apartments.

$60 Joint membership - chiropractor - that can't go. quality of life. this is health care for chronic pain.

$235 car payment - its debt but also equity so not bold. 

$100 insurance 

$30 internet (spectrum)

$285 health insurance through marketplace

$170 student loans 

$200 groceries - need to be very cautious with this. I cannot go over like last month. no more baking.

$90 pets

$20 10 subscriptions ($9 hulu, $7 pandora, $1 cloud space) - I have to cancel my pandora.

$10 humu medicine ($20 every other month)

$160 gas (might have to ask mom for a little help for when I drive to come see her.. only like $10)

$75 savings -- on months where I don't make bonus pay

$25 spiritual work book subscription --> a single reading a month would cover this. Just one. 

$25 flight pass --- this is the only one I would pass on if i had to. 

-------------------------------

I'm in the negative. 

Math for pets:

34 lb weight watcher blue buffalo last 3 months ($65)  = 22

Dehydrated food (55 last 5 mo)   - 11

wet cat food monthly 25

dry cat food $20 for 2 months = 10

Greenies 32 for 4 months  (if snow doesn't get into them and eat them ALL AT ONCE= $8

Meaty bones = $20 (2 months) = 10

----------------------------------

86... round to 90

As is I can't afford to give snow flea and tick meds every month. 

I can't afford therapy. 

I can transfer my sams club credit card into my lowest APR USAA credit card to lower my CC payments per month by a little.  Looking into a consolidation program too. Just to see if I can find anything with a APR at 18 or lower so I can lower my interest rate each month ergo lowering my monthly cost. 

I only eat one meal a day. I should be able to stay in the $200 range or less.