Xmas dinner

I’m at the bistro Xmas dinner and gods above help me.

I’m half a glass of wine in and I’m drowning.

So many thoughts.
So many emotions.
Seeing everyone together again....


I wish I could hug brooks. He’s actually been nice to me yesterday and tonight. Almost like before the fight. He’s looking into my eyes when he talks and there is no malice...

But I won’t let my hopes get up. I won’t fall for it. The other show will drop and he’ll go back to being an asshole.

Then it’s out first function out as a poly group. For simplicity sake I’m saying she’s my girlfriend but I just want to scream.

Brooks is talking to me like nothing is happened. I want to scream.

My brain is on overdrive and all I want to do is scream.

Ayla talks to me - wanna scream
Jimmie stands near me - wanna scream.
Brooks breathes - wanna scream.


I just want to just curl up in a ball and be held by Amy.



Just just just. Cut it all off.