I feel like I have a whole in my chest. I feel heavy. My eyes burn. I just want to sleep. And sleep. And sleep. I want to be alone but I hate to be alone and I'm terrified of being alone. the only tie I didn't feel like I have a hundred pounds on my chest is when I was hugging Brooks.
I know he isn't guiltless in the break up. No one ever is. But he swears he won't leave. He swears he loves me. (He loves me for this moment. At least.) and in my vulnerable state (because goddamned do I feel fragile and scared and I'm down right pathetic) he makes me feel safe.
I just want to curl up into as small and tight of a ball as I possibly can and be held. Preferably by Brooks.
But he's hurting. I can't really show him how much I'm hurting because I don't want to add on to his pain. If he sees me upset he might feel guilty or get angry. I don't want to do that to him. But it seems like he's the only one that really seems to be able to comfort me.
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