the worst part of how I cope with things? It doesn't always work. I bury things. In this case it's the anger and panic and depressive thoughts and emotions that are caused by the fact that my world was tossed into chaos and I had no control over anything.
So I disassociated a bit. I buried it all. I kept it buried for 3 weeks about.
It's rising up and the problem is is that fae isn't holding everything in check. I'm dealing with the aftermath of wha I've been doing while disassociating. I'm having to face all these emotions.
And now I'm spiraling. I havnt been completely me for several weeks and suddenly now I am.
I don't like it.
spiraling in thoughts and urges and emotions.
Round and round and round I go.
One second I'm fine. The next I'm panicking. Then I'm fae. Then I'm a pathetic weakling.
One moment I'm 100% me. The next I'm her. But then I can't even tell anymore at times.
Where I'll stop nobody knows.
But if I give in to more of these bad thoughts and urges I'm headed to a dark path.
I don't know if I can step off or if I even want to.
What do you get when you mix mania and depression together at the same exact time?
Chaos. Spiraling chaos.
That's what I am.
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