Saturday, August 24, 2019

Honesty

The blessing of honesty....

Well it was in reverse for a fuxking reason. 
I honestly don’t know what to believe right now... 
Jesus fucking Christ. 

Is it impossible for him to be honest? With anyone? 

He says something fucking terrible. 
Then says he doesn’t mean it.
But tells others that he told me the truth and I just didn’t like it. 

So what’s the truth?
That I’m not enough to satisfy him? I’m not proper enough, I’m not slutty enough, I’m not realistic enough, I’m too realistic.... I don’t have my shit together? That I need him? That I’m too dependent and I suck the life out of him? 

Or that he didn’t mean any of that and he just needs to grow as a person?

Considering he said the former more than once, and told others I just didn’t like the truth than I’d say that one. 

Or what about his fucking sad puppy dog routine saying how much he still loved me and still sees a future with me? 
Is that another lie? 

The Oregon talks. More sweet lies to fucking delude me? 
I feel like I’ve been made a fool of. 

Why is it so fucking hard for honesty? 

I’ve moved out. 
Drop the act. 
Fucking tell me that there is no hope and friendship is the only thing on the table. 

I am so tired of being lead on. It’s happened too many times and I just want people to be fucking honest with me. 

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