renouncing fear

so... i am a very fearful person.

I fear conflict.
i fear change because i don't know what will happen.
i fear the unknown.
I fear failure.
i fear success.
i fear i will disapoint people.
i fear that i am too clingy.
i fear that i'm annoying.
i fear i will hurt others.
I stress so much....

and it has to stop.


All this fear and worry and stress...is keeping me from living my life to the fullest.

My gums are receding, that worries me.
My being out of shape worries me.
My lack of labido worries me.
My being dehydrated all the time worries me.
Money issues worry me ALL THE TIME. i am always conscious about money...
My relationship makes me worry.
I worry i am doing poorly in school or work.
I worry i won't ever get to travel.
I worry i won't ever reach my spiritual potential.
I worry i won't ever see/hear SG.
I worry every time i get in a car.
I worry so much...

it causes the fear and anger and anxiety i always have bubbling under my happy-go-lucky shell.

it cannot continue like that.

as my guide said "It's all going to be fine."

it will.

This body is a shell. A temporary shell. All the things that happen to it... it really won't last long. One of the most infuriating things about the human body is how fast it matures and ages... life is short. If this body falls apart, i won't suffer it for long.

My relationship will not last forever. No relationship does (aside from the spiritual ones). Everything ends, why miss out on the present worrying about the end? It will end. When doesn't matter. I need to enjoy the time i have with Corie while it lasts and know that when it ends it ended at that time for a reason. And when it does, let it go.

Money will always be an issue... its a necessity unfortunately but worrying about it all the time won't make more just magically appear. i dont' know how to let go of this worry but i need to work on reducing it at least.

Traveling... if it doesn't happen then i can always read. That not only takes me to other countries but to other worlds as well.

As for worrying about my spirituality and things dealing with SG... he is patient. he loves me. he will never leave me. He doesn't get angry at me. he is love and goodness. and laughter.... the best way for me to connect with him is through those thing. if i don't see/hear him... i need to take solace in the knowledge that he really is always there when i need him or call him.

fear of both failure and success.... i may need help with this.
i fear failure because i fear disapointing others... or myself. But failure doesn't mean to give up or to dissapoint. No one is perfect... if i fail it means i have more to learn. or that i need to be more patient. It is this fear that holds me back spiritually.

fear of success... i don't know why i fear success.... but i do. I think because if i succeed it leads to the unknown.... which i need to just learn to trust in the fate i set for myself and trust my guides, "It's all going to be fine"

the car.... although i am not 100% certain when, i do still think i will die in a car accident. I don't cling to the fact as a beacon of hope anymore, i simply acknowledge it.  I don't necessarily look forward to it like i use to (because i'm finally acclimating to this life) but i do look forward to what lies after it. I look forward to my next life.

that doesn't help the anxiety i feel when i'm behind the wheel and things get too hectic. Again... i just need to accept things as they are and trust.


i think thats my thing...

i trust people easily... but i don't trust myself.
i don't trust myself to succeed, or to know what to do when i succeed.
i trust my guides but i don't trust myself to interpret their messages right.

As much as i love myself and others... i doubt myself the most.

i think that is where my fear originates. Doubt, which leads to anxiety and worry, then to actual fear.

here is the thing... how do i fix my doubt? trust? Trust must be earned...how do i earn my own trust?

but once i do... i know i can reach my full potential.

haha i sound crazy.