today

well today is all bbut over.


Mary (the gf)  is in the hospital - psychiatric wing.

and i had my first day of work/training.

and it was terrifying and exilerating and i actually kind og enjoyed it.
but as soon as it was over i was exhausted. i only did the cash register for 2 and a half hours.
tomorrow i do it for like....7.

i don't want t go back.
i can already tell it is going to make me feel worse.
it is going to make me more tired.
more grouchy.
more trapped.

my childhood ended today.
socially speaking.
i still have my virginity so technically i still have a part of my childhood in tact.

but yeah..... my childhood ended today and i have started the first day of the rest of my life.

i remember thiking how everything changed after i started school. both racheal, cara, and i all became more moody and angry and just....changed after the first day of kindergarden.

it was a mile stone that changed all of us for the negative. it was the beginning of our cage. the first introduction a little kid had to the expectations of the world.

well.... this is that all over again.

and i already feel the change happening.
the cage is starting to shut.

"freedom" is coming... but it is even less freedom than i have now.

today was the first day to the rest of my life.
and i hated it.