Okay so... I know that my next change is going to involve the wild self that I have super locked up and separated from my whole self. I will somehow be connecting and reintegrating that wild heart/self back into myself and becoming truly whole. Which is kind of scary given that is the part of me that becomes super depressed...I cut it off out of self preservation. I do not know how to engage that wild energy in this society and day and age.
I know things I want to do...
like archery, and a WHOLE lot more outdoorsy stuff. Camping. I want more camping. Lake/creek/river swimming.
I know I should probably really get into larping and learning the lore.
but this all seems superficial. I keep hearing shadow work, that I need to walk in the shadow, that I'm a bridge between light and shadow... so lets take a more serious look at shadow work.
Here's something I found that helps (mostly talks about shadow work)
.... Dreamscape Tarot? followed by oracle reading for each card?
What wild part of me am I rejecting?
What do I value the most about my humanity?
What does authenticity mean to me?
When I picture wholeness, what does it look, sound or feel like?
How can I spiritually mature?
What path does my soul feel called towards?
What shadows are lurking within me?
In what ways am I disowning my light?
What do I value the most about my humanity?
What does authenticity mean to me?
When I picture wholeness, what does it look, sound or feel like?
How can I spiritually mature?
What path does my soul feel called towards?
What shadows are lurking within me?
In what ways am I disowning my light?
There is an actual journal I could get
Mirror Work - Ironic because I tell Xander to do this all the time, but don't do it myself
Inner Child Work...I feel like this one would actually be very helpful.
not too sure about it but ya know, inner child has a lot to do with fae. also has free cards to download. However, I really don't have that many "wounded" child self symptoms and the few I do have are currently getting better. I'm learning to be selfish.
oh-hoh-hoh.... yeah Ive done a lot of "shadow work" with my PTSD therapy so i'm not surprised I got this result from their test.
"Congratulations! You most likely have a small shadow self, meaning that you acknowledge and accept most parts of your nature and rarely repress, reject or condemn parts of yourself. This is an amazing gift to have because it means that you can live a fulfilling life full of love, joy and abundance.
Even so, it's important to always be mindful of your shadow, even if it isn't currently dominating your life. No one is ever 100% free of the shadow's influence. None of us are perfect or can ever be perfect. However, you have either (a) done a lot of inner work, or (b) experienced a mostly harmonious and positive environment growing up.Keep being self-aware, self-accepting, and open-hearted!"
The only part of my shadow that I struggle with is the cold, uncaring, mean side. I know it can be beneficial when I need to make hard choices, set boundaries, or cut off toxic relationships, but i don't like being mean.
I am curious about the Shadow Archetypes.
I know I would definitely fall into the victim one; my go to response and perception is victim as a means of avoidance of criticism and being seen as a bad person. I would argue I sometimes have the mentality, but not the complex. I also come off as playing the victim when I simply am trying to explain my side of things and how things look from my angle.
I could also see myself falling into the Idiot slot as well, because I take on that persona quite often... there are times when i genuinely don't understand things, and then there are times that I don't try to. I also have a bad habit of letting people assume I don't know something, or underestimate me and then I begin to underestimate myself. I literally describe myself as a highly intelligent idiot. It's a means of not being taken seriously, so that I am overlooked, and have a better chance of survival.
He also includes some of his own and I would def fall under the neurotic shadow... (although even he admitted that a lot of shadow aspects can occur because of mental illness). But the biggest one that hits the nail on the head.... Is his cold Shadow. Thats the shadow I still struggle to accept and love.
Let's be real.... I can think of one person who brings out my shadow like no one else does... and that's brooks. In Fact I started my shadow work with him.The grudges I held against him are more of a reflection of anger at myself - anger at letting him hurt me the way that he did, anger at giving him that much power over me. Once I forgave myself the heat of anger left me, I am not angry at brooks, not anymore. I don't hold a grudge against him. I have boundaries and promises to myself to prevent any further pain, but I don't harbor any ill will towards him (even when I was angry with him, I had no ill intentions at him) because at the end of the day, it was actual self-blame I was projecting.
I'm learning to be less of a people pleaser and to not feel guilty about setting and maintaining boundaries. I'm not shying away from conflict like I used to. (3 signs of a controlling shadow). i don't hate my body as much. I'm not taking care of it like I should, but i don't hate it.
Shadow work is just self reflection and while it took me a while to understand it, it's not scary at all and I don't see why it's such a big deal. I think part of the reason I didn't understand it, is because it's something I do constantly anyway, without an actual purpose. I guess shadow work is just self analysis with purpose?
Okay so... I need to do some shadow work readings. I can add this to my ritual of self.
Each day I do one, light the cauldron candle in front of my soul painting, do a 21 card reading... could make that about shadow work or look up specific shadow work spreads.
in the end, i have a goal.
Ultimately By embracing the wild self, the shadow self, and by developing a stronger relationship with Brigid, I am going to grow spiritually to a top tier healer.
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