I don’t know how

I think what I’m torn up about... is that there is a serious chance I’ve losy jimmie from my life.
Or rather, he has lost me.

I don’t know how to be around Jimmie and not love him.
I had a crush on him from the moment I met him. Granted the feelings went dormant off and on because I knew he was off limits and I was friends with any.


But even before we got together... I had feelings for him.
Then I actually had him.
Then he decided he didn’t want me anymore - or at least “not right now”.
Which I no longer accept because I deserve better.

I know I do.
I deserve someone who actually appreciates me - something I know he didn’t do for a while before we broke up,.. and I wonder if he ever did.
He said he didn’t want me to wait for him to figure himself out... but in order to move on I have to somehow get over someone Iva had feelings for since early 2015.

I was in love with jake and it took 2 whole years to get over him.
I legit thought I was going to marry jimmie. I thought he was the one.
I know I can’t be his friend until I’m over him.
But I don’t know if I ever really will be.
Which means... he’s lost me for good.

Even if I get over this initial heartbreak.. I’m going to see and think of what could have been when I see him. Watch some other girl get the life I thought I would have.

And to be his friend without having feelings for him?
I don’t know how.

I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Never 100% get over him = never being his friend again.
Actually get over him = might be fine with him being out of my life.

Either way we aren’t in each other’s lives.
After a few weeks-months I won’t ask for Bia pictures, or he won’t send them.
We will lose all contact.

I’ll always have the memories but I think that my life and jimmies life... aren’t going to ever realign.

And wether that’s because I wasn’t enough for him like he originally said, or if it’s because he just wanted to be single for a while, I don’t know. Frankly I don’t think it matters anymore.

He’s lost me.
And I don’t know how that can be fixed.